What lessons have you learned from it? -- painting

What has this experience taught you or how has it contributed to the person you are today?
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I think about my childhood days, days stuck indoors waiting for the rainy season to end, days spent waiting for the sound of crunching gravel of my parents car arriving in the driveway, days spent waiting, waiting, waiting... While the other children entertained themselves in lands of fantasy, roaming around the house pretending to be gladiators or heroes, I watched on the sides enviously. I wished I could escape into their worlds of make believe, and fight alongside fellow comrades against alien monsters. But I couldn't. To my dismay, I was stuck here firmly anchored to reality, and received little enjoyment from their games. Instead I spent my time drawing, painting, and writing, anything that would distract me from my dimly realized boredom. I learned to juggle, how to flip a coin and always win, how to fold paper airplanes, card tricks, everything. But of all those things, I loved to paint most. Finger painting was the best. It wasn't the feeling of paint on my hands, or even the picture itself. Perhaps it was simply knowing that I was in control of my own picture. I relied on my own hands, quite literally, to paint it. Run your hands too quickly across the paper and you can't control your line, paint it too slow, and the paint trickles down to the bottom, slowly. In art, there is always a delicate balance, that fine line between the good and great. It has taught me the values of stepping back to realize the whole of your canvas. What might appear as a straight line could actually be the dipping curve of a smile when looked upon from a different viewpoint. Painting has taught me the value of patience, perseverance. What can you really see from the artist's first stroke? But combine them together and true beauty emerges. Painting has taught me to see the world through the unadulterated film of individuality and self-reliance; it has taught me to see the beauty in everything.

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Alright I'm really unsure how to end this... suggestions? :]
Also, am I using appropriate diction for a college admission essay? I'm still trying to find a balance between formal and personal but would love to hear your comments! Thanks!

Grammatically, you've got a few problems, but those can be fixed with a good word processor, so I won't waste your time with comma placements and silly things like that.

I love the feel of your essay, I just think the flow of the intro can be fixed slightly to really give it an impact. This is how I would change it:

Thinking about my childhood days, I must reflect upon days spent indoors waiting for rain to end. I spent most days waiting for the sound of my parents' car crunching gravel, announcing their arrival in the driveway.I spent most days waiting, while other children entertained themselves in lands of fantasy, roaming around their houses, pretending to be gladiators or heroes. I watched on the sidelines, not understanding.Their fantasies were so grounded in imagination, while I found inspiration in my reality.

I think this better communicates the message of your essay. You contradict yourself, I think, when you say that you were "firmly stuck to your reality" and yet found solace in artistic activities, which are pretty much based upon creativity, and some would say: imagination. So, without changing your piece, I offered a way to kind of offset that contradiction. I kept all of your words and ideas there, just re-worded a few sentences.

I like the way you end it, actually. Simple and yet closes out the idea well. I would say your diction is okay, just have your teacher go over the grammar or do a double-check on grammar with Microsoft Word or whatever you use.

Good luck!

Awesome, you must feel really good about how this came out... very good stuff.
I like "dimly realized boredom."

You ended it well, too. I wonder though if "see" is the right verb or if a different one might be better.

maybe... "realize" or "understand" ?

Thanks everybody for the input! I'm revising and will post an updated one soon. Further critiques always appreciated :]

Hi again!

I've already offered you some critique for your essay, and I see that Kevin and some others have also chimed in to do the same. This is good. You have a good essay here, but it does need a little work -- why don't you re-work the essay and then re-post it on the forum for us to read? I think that you will find that after each re-write, you will get a better appreciation for the English language.

As far as ending the essay, you will be best served by summing up what you are trying to say in the essay with a clear sentence to start the conclusion. Then, use the rest of the sentences to support that conclusion. But, I would work on the essay first, before beginning the conclusion.

Thanks,

Mark :)

Oh... um...
But combine them together and true beauty emerges. Painting has taught me to see the world through the unadulterated film of individuality and self-reliance; it has enabled me to perceive the beauty in everything.

Maybe like that.