Hello, Names Taylor
I am applying to University of Texas for fall quarter! I have written a essay, any feedback that you can give back will be great thanks. :)
Promt: How will the University of Texas help you achive your overall goals?
As a hardworking, and self conscious individual I feel that my academic potential is at unprecedented heights, and being accepted to Texas University will only increase that potential. Most people have a one track mind; they want to be doctors, lawyers, or teachers. I want to major in something that provides many options and opportunities. Graduating from a reputable college is important to me; and Texas University can help me to achieve this.
After graduating from high school a year ago, I have thought more about my college education, my personal goals, and my professional goals. When I think about the last five years, I have to say that my expectation of college education gets more and more clearer, while my personal goals evolve gradually from uncertain to definite.
Texas University offers a comprehensive curriculum, which is basic of advanced education and significant for the build of my individual character; however, as far as specific scientific and occupational career concerned, college education of superficial knowledge of specific fields is far from enough. Undoubtedly, there is still a long way for to my graduation, whether it is work experience or further educations. Thus, I am supposed to find my true interest, my field, and my values-during the four years to come. I believe that is the invaluable gift from my college education at Texas University.
Throughout the years, I have become increasingly interested in the field of sciences, Environmental Science, and Pre -Medical is what I am considering, carefully, for my major. The medical field appeals to me because I want to have direct contact with people and their problems. I feel that is the best way I can be truly involved, and make a difference in their lives. From my thorough research for universities that could enrich and prepare me for medicine, I discovered that Texas University is one of the highly distinguished schools. Knowing this, I have no doubts that Texas University would greatly assist me in achieving my goals.
My goals are crystal clear and I feel that I can reach best by getting the quality education that Texas University can provide. While I am attending Texas University I plan to pursue a Bachelors of Science Degree. After the education I will take from Texas University, I hope to transfer to The University of San Francisco School of Medicine and later on continue graduate school. I hope to use the skills I've learned from my experiences and become a great physician. I understand that achieving my dreams is extremely difficult, but as long as I hold on to them and give it my best, everything is possible.
I believe that Texas University will help me broaden my knowledge in academics and mold my character fully. I know that Texas University has an exceptional reputation and continues to set itself apart from other universities. I hope to become part of the University to impart my talents and abilities as an individual to the vast student body.
I would suggest that you refer to the school as the "University of Texas" throughout your essay. If you don't know the correct name of the school you are applying to, you may not get very far in the application process. I am well acquainted with how important The University, a justifiably proud institution, feels its name is. Your essay also has a number of grammatical, punctuation and construction mistakes, and I suggest that you have someone help you edit for these. In places your language is a bit stilted, and I suggest you think about using less abstract terms and more personal heartfelt words to describe your goals and dreams. Try to inject some of your own humanity into your writing. Good luck, Taylor.
Haha yeah, UT is only referred to as TU, or Texas University, by Aggies. And the people at A&M only use that to bother the Longhorns...
self conscious needs a hyphen:
self-conscious
but it is the wrong word here! I think you mean this:
As a hardworking, conscientious person...
Graduating from a reputable college is important to me; and Texas University can help me to achieve this better than the other schools I have considered, because _____________ (give a reason that is sincere and based on your unique vision for the future.)
:-)
