"as long as God is" experience in life that helped you define yourself as a person

HI,

I'm not very good in making essay, can someone please help me,
it would be much appreciated if someone replied as soon as possible

the topic is "is there any experience in life that helped you define yourself as a person"

Being in the last year of my high school life, I cannot escape the fact that I'm going to graduate soon and be a college student. The first thing that comes into mind when I think of college is "Am I ready?" I know if you doubt yourself you will never achieve anything, but I have faced many challenges in life that makes me sure of myself. With the help of God and the support of my family and friends, I know I can pass the test that will determine my future.

In life you are never sure of what will happen, there are times when you rejoice and there are times you feel as though you want to go back in time to undo the things you have done.

When I was in the middle of my High School life everything was going well; I got good grades, I had a lot of friends, and I was at the top of my class. But as the end of my sophomore year approached, my mother broke the news to us that we would be moving to Marikina, a place I was not familiar with. When I heard this, the idea of finally having a place we could call our own made me happy but deep inside I had reservations about adjusting to a new school, new environment and most especially leaving all my good friends behind. But instead of wallowing in my fear, I thought of the good things that would come out of it. I saw this as an opportunity to make new friends.

We decided and believed that it was for the best.
In my new school everything was fine at first but as several weeks passed by, everything changed from bad to worse; my grades were failing; a lot of projects and homework were stacked up and to make it worse I had a misunderstanding with my classmate. I was beginning to think that my fears were coming true and I was not going to pass my junior year. Deep down, I felt that the fire that keeps me going was slowly diminishing.

Even though I had these problems, I did not give up. One weekend, typhoon Ondoy struck Manila, causing many casualties. Luckily, our home was spared from the damage that Ondoy could have caused. During that weekend, I found out that our previous home in Makati, got flooded until the second floor. They said that it took less than 1 hour for the water levels to reach that height. I was shocked when I heard this news. It got me thinking that if we still lived there, we would have lost our belongings, got hurt in the chaos or worse.

I knew then that God has a greater purpose for my life: I should not give up in my studies and continue to reach for my goals. The fire deep inside me roared again. I knew I was ready to face my challenges. After repairing the damage done by Typhoon Ondoy, we went back to our normal lives. With my faith in God and in myself was restored, things started to change. My grades were going up, my classmate and I became the best of friends and I submitted all my requirements on time. Surely God is good.

Everything in life has a reason, it may be good or bad, but all I can say is that everything that happens around us has a greater purpose. Even though the future is unpredictable and full of surprises, I know with God beside me and my family and friends supporting me all the way, I can say that it will be a life worth living.

I cannot escape from the fact that I'm going to graduate soon and be a college student.
In life you are never sure ofthat what will happen
my mother broke the news to us that we would be movingmove to Marikina
I saw thisit as an opportunity to make new friends.
Even though I had these problems, I did not give up. One weekend, typhoon Ondoy struck Manila, whichcausingcaused many casualties
I knew then that God hashad a greater purpose for my life

Writing down the detail of changed life after the typhoon Ondoy could make your essay enrich.For example,how to be friends with your classmates and get a better grades.

Hi there. Your essay is good though it needs correcting,thus, I hope that you won't be annoyed when someone points out your mistakes.

"Being in the last year of my high school life, I cannot escape the fact that I'm going to graduate soon and be a college student." This sentence I think it will be better if you write like this: Being in the last year of my high school life, I can not deny the fact that I am going to be a college student

This sentence "The first thing that comes into mind when I think of college is "Am I ready?" " should be : The first question poping whenever I think of college is "Am I ready?"

"I know if you doubt yourself you will never achieve anything, but I have faced many challenges in life that makesmake me sure of myself. With the help of God and the support of my family and friends, I know I can pass the test that will determine my future." What do you mean by these sentences? I do not see any relationship with the topic you are addressing at.

In your introduction, you rarely state your intention of what you will discuss in the body;besides, there are some sentences make readers feel abstract such as: "In life you are never sure of what will happen, there are times when you rejoice and there are times you feel as though you want to go back in time to undo the things you have done."

Some words about the body paragraphs and your ideas: They are not logical and sentences are not well-structured. You did say a lot about your ideal time before moving to new place, your feeling of depression when encoutering difficulties in new school, new environment and even your attitude toward the storm, however, you do not state how they helped you define yourself as a person, how they affected your thought. It is like you just tell the readers without explanining anything to them.

In your conclusion, I do not see any things relating to your topics nor what you discussed in those previous paragraphs. Perharps, you should spend more time rewriting your essay, selecting ideas carefully, checking for grammar erros before handing in it. Pratice more and see how fast your writing will develop.

:-)

The first notion that comes to mind when...


In this part, I think it is better without "from"... it is alright to say "cannot escape the fact that..." Sorry, Honghee, I don't mean to undermine the idea!! :-)

I really like the passion of this essay and its energy. It really seems sincere and creative. Yet, it needs a good, clear thesis to anchor it. The central idea is unclear. You say several different things in the intro, but I want you to revise the last sentence of the intro paragraph to tell something like:

"The experience that has added the most definition to my personality is ________."
That will help the reader to know the main point, and all other description and reflection will support this central idea.