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"my love for psychology" - Is my essay too objective?



keilinger 9 / 44  
Dec 6, 2009   #1
I've read quite a few "Why our college" essays, and I'm concerned that mine doesn't include clever anecdotes or anything.

I had signed up to take AP Psychology during my junior year, not knowing I was soon to stumble on a new passion. I love psychology because of its connection to real life. In each interaction that I have with someone, I see the opportunity to continually apply psychology ideas (I admit that I'd like the running script in my head to stop sometimes). As an introspective person, I am fascinated by cognitive science, especially metacognition. With metacognition, there are almost infinite answers to why one thinks the way they do, each derived from a different school of psychology. Psychology is an interdisciplinary field, in and of itself- You can take any situation and look at it from a hundred different perspectives, because there are so many variables to be examined.

Oberlin's strong neuroscience program will allow me the opportunity to increase the depth and breadth of my knowledge of the biological school of psychology. But at Oberlin, lecture halls aren't the only places where intellectual curiosity is fueled. Obies bring hands-on learning to the next level with incredible research opportunities!

The commitment to undergraduate research at Oberlin reflects the commitment of faculty to students. Professors thoroughly enjoy teaching, and Oberlin's small size fosters close, collaborative relationships between students and their dedicated professors. Small classes are also an ideal conduit for engaging discussions, which are crucial for a mind-broadening college experience. Oberlin's academic rigor, combined with its personal feel, means my college experience will be a phenomenal period of personal and intellectual growth.

I've only just discovered my love for psychology last year, and I'm eager to peruse Oberlin's course catalog to uncover even more interests. I plan on taking a class in anthropology, and I've made it a long-term goal of mine to become fluent in Spanish. Given my varied interests, I appreciate Oberlin's academic flexibility (ExCo and the Winter Term come to mind here). Who knows what I'll end up doing exactly? What I am certain of is that I'll go to unexpected places and discover new parts of me each time; I expect it of myself and I'd feel empowered by Oberlin's same expectation of me.

Academics aside, my other favorite aspect of Oberlin is the student body. Obies are smart, but also have passions outside the classroom. Their passions may be as varied and diverse as Oberlin's academic offerings, but everyone is passionate about something*. Obies are risk-takers, unafraid to challenge social norms, and unafraid of being pushed to new heights. They are quirky and caring, earning Oberlin its well-deserved reputation for being at the forefront of progressive activism. Where else would I be able to brag about attending a school that meets 50% of its electricity needs with sustainable energy sources?

EF_Susan - / 2310  
Dec 6, 2009   #2
Hi! This is clever enough! I did find a few little things though;

With metacognition, there are almost infinite answers to why we think the way we do , each derived from a different school of psychology.

But aAt Oberlin , lecture halls aren't the only places where intellectual curiosity is fueled.

I've only just discovered my love for psychology last year,...

I plan on taking a class in anthropology, and I've made it a long-term goal of mine to become fluent in Spanish.

Given my varied interests, I appreciate Oberlin's academic flexibility (ExCo and the Winter Term come to mind here).This sentence needs to be revised.
OP keilinger 9 / 44  
Dec 8, 2009   #3
"Given my varied interests, I appreciate Oberlin's academic flexibility (ExCo and the Winter Term come to mind here)."

Which part of the sentence is awkward?

Thanks, Susan! I really appreciate your edits- they're super helpful!
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Dec 8, 2009   #4
Which part of the sentence is awkward?

There is nothing wrong with that sentence! It was my mistake; I hallucinated an error that would have been obvious and easy to fix if it had been real. But alas... it is fine, and you write well!
McGregor10 4 / 20  
Dec 8, 2009   #5
Given my varied interests ,...

"Given my wide range of interests"

To be honest, I had difficulty finding anything that needed improvement!
OP keilinger 9 / 44  
Dec 15, 2009   #6
Thanks, guys! Just submitted the supplement. :)


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