Hello all. To be honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this essay yet, so it would be awesome if someone could review it and provide me feedback on the substance and flow of the essay. I do expect to have to go back, cut stuff out, and reemphasize certain ideas. Thanks in advance!
Stanford students are wideley known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging:
To put it simply, I love all things physics. To me, the science is much more than the underlying theory of engineering or a means of calculating the time it takes to obtain groceries given values initial velocity, constant acceleration, and distance between the two points. In cliché terms, physics is a way of life, a worldview.
One can become a physics guru without having taken anything from it. If one possesses a strong background in math and problem-solving, calculating the tension in a string required to hold up a sign is easier than walking one's dog.
It is sort of cheesy to say that physics almost takes on a religious significance in my mind. Knowing that every person on Earth is composed of ninety-two naturally occurring elements and affected by the same laws of gravity and motion has made me realize one important truth: everything on this planet and in the universe is connected with one another, everything is one. I have simply "front[ed] the essential facts of life," as Thoreau did: relationships and passion, physics in my case.
first off, mentioning something as cliche esque is never a good idea, you know its a cliche and it really doesn't enhance your essay by adding it, i'd just scratch that. but as for the rest of the essay, i dont get your idea of religoius significance, hows the differences in physics religious? I dont really get that, what i think the best part of your essay is the last couple of lines, thats really something i like, and i think perhaps if you focus your thesis around that and build around that, then you might have a really, really powerful essay. This is def. a good start, but i think you can focus your essay more on the ending and less on the examples you cite in part 2, they don't really tie in with the paragraph that follows. If you get a chance, you think you could read my essay? Thanks good luck.
physics is a really good starting topic but i think you should make your focus the connections you made towards the end of the essay
the first part of the essay just seems like musings