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I'm lucky to follow my inclinations to learn things that interest me : UIUC Supp



simon8437 1 / 1  
Dec 11, 2012   #1
A. ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois. (Required, Paste)

In traditional Chinese custom, parents often force their children to pursue careers as lawyers, doctors, or professions that can ensure a stable living. However, not liking this concept, my parents give me plenty of latitude to search out what I really like and what I enjoy the most. Unlike those students who are restricted by their parents to focus on only a few professions, I am lucky to follow my inclinations to learn things that interest me.

One result of this was that I asked my parents to let me have piano lessons. Lots of young can people play the piano but what makes me different from other learners is that I have been constantly learning for more than 12 years. During this period, my parents always offered me complete support. Also, I began learning the flute in grade 6 of elementary school. Because of my fundamental knowledge in music, I was able to make strides rapidly in a short period of time and became a good flute performer within two years. It is these two experiences in music that allow me to attain a much better aesthetic and creative sense.

In my first year in UIUC, although I haven't decided my major, I would like to give business a try since UIUC ranks in the top 50s of business schools in the US. Also, I would take music performing and composing classes as extracurricular activities. In addition, I intend to prepare for the study abroad program to London in my freshman year, so after I have gain enough information about the program, it will be much easier for me to apply for the program.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Dec 11, 2012   #2
Your essay looks great overall. I have a few things I'd like to comment on:

However, not liking this concept, my parents give me plenty of latitude to search out what I really like and what I enjoy the most.

Fantastic! I like how you explain your cultural idea on getting a job, and how your parent are unconventional-maybe you could use that word.

Unlike those students who are restricted by their parents to focus on only a few professions, I am lucky to follow my inclinations to learn things that interest me.

Good thing that you did not have to deal with the kind of pressure that forces you into an unwanted career. Maybe you can use a different word than "lucky" You mean that your parents have given you the freedom to explore career options that truly interest you and that you would enjoy.

One result of this was that I asked my parents to let me have piano lessons.
You could also say something like this: "My parents were happy to grant me permission to take piano lessons."

Lots of young can people play the piano but what makes me different from other learners is that I have been constantly learning for more than 12 years.

You don't need to say the "lots of young people" part, it would be better to say how you learned self-discipline by practicing and mastering the piano at a young age.
OP simon8437 1 / 1  
Dec 12, 2012   #3
I made some revision based on your advice.
Thanks you so much for helping me!!!


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