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Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance on you.
Though most of my fourth-grade class was oblivious to it, I began to hear an unusual amount of emergency sirens one morning while we were reading. For about twenty minutes, the wail of the sirens was almost nonstop. Then, phone calls started coming in and many of my friends went home early.
My dad picked me up from school, which is unusual because he was usually still working when I finished school. Before I could even ask him what was wrong, he pointed at the sky behind me.
September 11 affected millions of people around the world, all of whom were shocked at not only the level of atrocity of these attacks, but also at the fact that the safety of flying was so easily jeopardized. After some time, the shock felt by many turned to anger. People began to target and stereotype Muslims as terrorists, despite the fact that the hijackers were part of a very small extremist group.
Since 9/11, the issues of terrorism and prejudice really became clear to me. At the relatively innocent age of nine years old, I was still not exposed to these issues among my friends. When the identities and motives of the perpetrators of the attacks were found out, I knew I would be affected. I began seeing a negative portrayal of Arabs and Muslims in the media, from movies and TV shows I commonly watched all the way down to political cartoons. Some people began looking at my mom, who wore the religious veil, differently. Even among my friends, terrorist "jokes" became a frequent occurrence. Not knowing what to say at times like these, I felt confused by how the same principals of peace and morality were twisted by terrorists and used as a reason to end hundreds of innocent lives.
The way I viewed the world after the September 11 attacks was much more cynical. Like Goodman Brown, I had realized the true nature of many people to hate. Not only were the attacks purely fueled by hate, so was the anger from the attacks. I did not think that so many people could fall into the trap set by extremist groups. By hiding behind a religion or ideology, these groups only instill more hate into people. People began to hate all Muslims as opposed to the small group of extremists who perpetrated the attacks. Not only is this a narrow-minded belief, it also fuels terrorists to persist with their attacks and atrocities.
New York, as a microcosm of the United States, is an extremely diverse setting with hundreds of cultures and beliefs. To single out a culture and portray it with violence and injustice is a mistake that we, as open-minded and diverse people, should not make. Instead, we should embrace all cultures and learn about them, because all extremist groups take fundamental principles out of context and use them for violence, while other people use them for peace and tranquility.
I feel it's weak, but I can't really pinpoint the weak areas or fix them. Please give me as much constructive criticism and suggestions as possible! All criticism is welcomed. Thank you!
September 11 affected millions of people around the world, all of whom were shocked at not only the level of atrocity of these attacks, but also at the fact that the safety of airline passenger s was so easily jeopardized.
At the relatively innocent age of nine years old, I still had not exposed to these issues among my friends.
Hi! I think you should condense the material about 9/11 and add an introduction sentence that clearly states the "issue of concern. At first I thought it was terrorism, then I thought it was airline security, then I thought it was prejudice... if you announce the issue in the beginning, the reader will find that refreshing and clear.
Your writing is great!! And it is powerful to write about experience of someone of Arab descent experiencing prejudice these days -- because everyone knows about that and feels strongly about it. Intellectual people, like the people who will read this, feel strongly about the importance of not succumbing to prejudice, and they'll empathize with you.
Try to find a substitute for the word hate because you are using it continuously on the 4th paragraph.
I don't think its weak, actually I quite like it. If you want to sth. to improve, try making it more emotional in the first part of the essay, when you are talking about yourself as a child. Perhaps emphasize your innocence!
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