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'the major I plan to pursue, Animal Sciences' - top 5 reasons to be a Hokie



mzywicki 1 / -  
Sep 16, 2014   #1
It is 256 words, need it to be 250 as well as any other suggestions.

I could name 5 generic reasons why I want to be a Hokie like: my mother was a Hokie, all of my friends are there, it's a great school, I love the campus, or it has a great football team. I know my reasons have probably been written one hundred times over, but these made me decide that Virginia Tech is where I belong.

First of all, I have to mention that not many schools have the major I plan to pursue, Animal Sciences, and I figure that if Virginia Tech has one of the best veterinary schools in the country I should go there anyway. I have been told that each and every program offered at Virginia Tech is strong and the students and professors are passionate about what they do, which will help me on my long path to the future.

Like many people say "Once a Hokie, Always a Hokie," and I wish to believe that Virginia Tech is like one gigantic family all living in Blacksburg together. Unlike the small area of South Riding in Northern Virginia where everyone knows everyone, I can expand my horizons and meet people from across the country or a different country altogether.

Finally, and probably the most important reason I want to be a Hokie is that I've honestly always had the seed planted in my head since I was little. Then when it was time to decide what I wanted to do I had no idea, but Virginia Tech seemed to have all the answers.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Sep 16, 2014   #2
Let me see if I can cut out 6 words for you :-)

I could name 5 generic reasons why I want to be a Hokie like

First of all, I have to mention that not many schools have the major I plan to pursue, Animal Sciences, and I figured that if Virginia Tech has one of the best veterinary schools in the country so I should go there anyway .

Then when it was time to decide what I wanted to do, I had no idea, but Virginia Tech seemed to have all the answers.

This is a very good concise essay. You covered the 5 reasons and then some. I only wish you had more than 250 words to be able to really express yourself. But I believe I was able to cut out6 words for you to meet the word count? I counted a total of 6. Did you come up with the same?
Ashlyn 1 / 2  
Sep 16, 2014   #3
where I belong

→where I belong to.

and I figure that

FIGURE is inappropriate in here, FOUND would be better

everyone knows everyone

Finally, and probably the most important

the comma should be delete... or ' the last but not the least' would be better


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