I'm wondering if my essay works for the prompt. I am using it for the Common App as well, so I changed it around to try to make it fit. Any feedback on the essay and content are greatly appreciated!
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I don't trust myself in haunted houses, or watching scary movies. I am excitable, too ready to scream or jump up at any moment, not thinking about the embarrassment that I am causing myself. I like security, and knowing exactly what is going on and what I can expect.
Ironically though, the very experience that has had the greatest impact on my life thus far was the exact situation that under normal circumstances, I would avoid.
It was sophomore year, and I was home relaxing downstairs after a minimum day of school. Later, as I headed upstairs, I looked into the glass of a painting mounted on the wall. There I saw the reflection of the backyard where, positioned at the sliding glass door, a man was trying to get in. At first, I panicked and ran upstairs to where I could stand behind the wall and see the intruder without being visible myself. From there, I contemplated the options before me: fleeing out the front door, running to get the cell phone I had left downstairs, or screaming loudly enough to ward him off. But I didn't want to find out if he was armed, or if I would be outnumbered. So I ran to my room and locked the door.
From the shelter of my room, I could hear two men enter my home. I could hear the sounds of lifting and shifting, the grunts of the men and the sound of boxes sliding across the wood floor.
Looking back, I should have been more afraid. The excitable me would be the one I expected to be present. And yet I was calm, removed from the situation, as if my panic-stricken self had risen up to look down as the real me tried to make rational decisions. I comprehended the severity of the situation, but I was able to remain clear-headed and adapt to the situation before me, and survey the options I had.
Eventually I heard them in my sister's room, adjacent to my own, opening drawers and emptying the contents. I heard heavy footsteps across the creaking, carpet-covered floor. I watched as someone on the other side jiggled my door handle and cursed the lock under his breath. The burglar had spoken, he had given me something to identify him with, and all of a sudden it became very real. In that moment, I was terrified. I wanted to scream, to allow myself to be discovered, just to cut the suspense. But I could not allow my fear to take over, because once I did, it would run wild, traveling through my body to every muscle and every limb. So I waited.
In the end, the door stayed locked, the robbers left, and I was safe. The home invasion- a name that, to me, seems particularly appropriate- was shaking. My space and safety had been invaded and for the first time, I had been the victim of a crime.
Yet after this ordeal I held a strange sense of pride. The word "victim" is tricky because although I had been robbed of my sense of safety and of personal possessions, the experienced allowed me to see myself in a different light. Never before had I experienced something that had so acutely tested my ability to remain calm and rely on my instincts. I saw that I will be able to cope with not just the unexpected events of life, but also the high-stress job as the physician I aim to be, where decisions need to be made quickly and rationally. The robbery changed me in a way that made me more ready to go through the challenges of life, to confront the world with confidence, and more willing to do so.
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I don't trust myself in haunted houses, or watching scary movies. I am excitable, too ready to scream or jump up at any moment, not thinking about the embarrassment that I am causing myself. I like security, and knowing exactly what is going on and what I can expect.
Ironically though, the very experience that has had the greatest impact on my life thus far was the exact situation that under normal circumstances, I would avoid.
It was sophomore year, and I was home relaxing downstairs after a minimum day of school. Later, as I headed upstairs, I looked into the glass of a painting mounted on the wall. There I saw the reflection of the backyard where, positioned at the sliding glass door, a man was trying to get in. At first, I panicked and ran upstairs to where I could stand behind the wall and see the intruder without being visible myself. From there, I contemplated the options before me: fleeing out the front door, running to get the cell phone I had left downstairs, or screaming loudly enough to ward him off. But I didn't want to find out if he was armed, or if I would be outnumbered. So I ran to my room and locked the door.
From the shelter of my room, I could hear two men enter my home. I could hear the sounds of lifting and shifting, the grunts of the men and the sound of boxes sliding across the wood floor.
Looking back, I should have been more afraid. The excitable me would be the one I expected to be present. And yet I was calm, removed from the situation, as if my panic-stricken self had risen up to look down as the real me tried to make rational decisions. I comprehended the severity of the situation, but I was able to remain clear-headed and adapt to the situation before me, and survey the options I had.
Eventually I heard them in my sister's room, adjacent to my own, opening drawers and emptying the contents. I heard heavy footsteps across the creaking, carpet-covered floor. I watched as someone on the other side jiggled my door handle and cursed the lock under his breath. The burglar had spoken, he had given me something to identify him with, and all of a sudden it became very real. In that moment, I was terrified. I wanted to scream, to allow myself to be discovered, just to cut the suspense. But I could not allow my fear to take over, because once I did, it would run wild, traveling through my body to every muscle and every limb. So I waited.
In the end, the door stayed locked, the robbers left, and I was safe. The home invasion- a name that, to me, seems particularly appropriate- was shaking. My space and safety had been invaded and for the first time, I had been the victim of a crime.
Yet after this ordeal I held a strange sense of pride. The word "victim" is tricky because although I had been robbed of my sense of safety and of personal possessions, the experienced allowed me to see myself in a different light. Never before had I experienced something that had so acutely tested my ability to remain calm and rely on my instincts. I saw that I will be able to cope with not just the unexpected events of life, but also the high-stress job as the physician I aim to be, where decisions need to be made quickly and rationally. The robbery changed me in a way that made me more ready to go through the challenges of life, to confront the world with confidence, and more willing to do so.