With deadlines a few days away, please be harsh on this! What did you learn about me after reading this? What themes and morales were present in this essay? Is this piece UC worthy?
I think the tone sounds more awkward rather than cheery, which I was going for. Since the story required a lot of explaining and I was limited by my word count (470), I had to say a lot of things outright. "I'm more confident...I'm a better person ect." How should I word this more indirectly while keeping the message?
Prompt 2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Perhaps I joined cross country in high school because I was incapable of doing anything else. Being nearly six feet tall in the eighth grade and incredibly gawky, my only helpful proclivity was a slight inclination towards running. Whatever the reason, I found a certain excitement on the starting line. There was a wrenching fear associated with racing that, like most thing in life, I thought I was sure to shy from. I never would've appreciated the impact running would have on me.
Yes; I was shy, but some explaining is needed: I had considerable cystic acne. Desperate, I underwent treatment with accutane, the virtual atomic bomb of acne medication. Its side effects felt just as severe: anemia, headaches, eczema, dehydration. All this guaranteed that, freshman year, I was the slowest, most miserable thing on the cross country team. In a sense, it was comforting; since nothing was expected of me, I did mostly nothing. But as the medication wore off, my complacency was shattered when I actually began winning races. Instead, I accepted that, if I worked, I could succeed even at this.
Now emboldened, I trained a successful summer. Consequently, my coach threw me onto varsity my sophomore year. My confidence was crushed by the sudden expectations and faster pace. My initial progress tapered into a long plateau. Races became degrading; the very sight of them nauseating. I had fallen into a deep slump that would last years.
There were plenty of opportunities to admit defeat. My accutane treatment had, among other things, stunted my growth entirely. The scars left on my arms served as a constant reminder. At one point, I was even misdiagnosed with a cardiac abnormality. Any of these would've served as a final excuse, but I was adamant in the belief my perseverance would pay off.
Eventually it would be realized in a way that surprised even myself. This summer, most of the upperclassmen runners had taken jobs or gone out of town - even our coach would be absent. Without summer training, our prospects were bleak. So, every morning, I helped coordinate the summer workouts. Placing cones, using Google maps, we planned nearly sixty miles a week. By the summer's end, I was amazed to find myself acting a confident team captain and later shattered my sophomore personal records.
It's safe to say that these last few years have lent more to me than a clearer face. Through the team I've made lifelong friends and memorable experiences - a far cry from anything my past self would have done. My newly found confidence applies itself quite easily: whenever I find myself in a difficult situation, academically, mentally, or otherwise, I ask myself, "is this worse than running a timed three miles?" More often than not, it seems the only answer is a timed four.
I think the tone sounds more awkward rather than cheery, which I was going for. Since the story required a lot of explaining and I was limited by my word count (470), I had to say a lot of things outright. "I'm more confident...I'm a better person ect." How should I word this more indirectly while keeping the message?
Prompt 2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Perhaps I joined cross country in high school because I was incapable of doing anything else. Being nearly six feet tall in the eighth grade and incredibly gawky, my only helpful proclivity was a slight inclination towards running. Whatever the reason, I found a certain excitement on the starting line. There was a wrenching fear associated with racing that, like most thing in life, I thought I was sure to shy from. I never would've appreciated the impact running would have on me.
Yes; I was shy, but some explaining is needed: I had considerable cystic acne. Desperate, I underwent treatment with accutane, the virtual atomic bomb of acne medication. Its side effects felt just as severe: anemia, headaches, eczema, dehydration. All this guaranteed that, freshman year, I was the slowest, most miserable thing on the cross country team. In a sense, it was comforting; since nothing was expected of me, I did mostly nothing. But as the medication wore off, my complacency was shattered when I actually began winning races. Instead, I accepted that, if I worked, I could succeed even at this.
Now emboldened, I trained a successful summer. Consequently, my coach threw me onto varsity my sophomore year. My confidence was crushed by the sudden expectations and faster pace. My initial progress tapered into a long plateau. Races became degrading; the very sight of them nauseating. I had fallen into a deep slump that would last years.
There were plenty of opportunities to admit defeat. My accutane treatment had, among other things, stunted my growth entirely. The scars left on my arms served as a constant reminder. At one point, I was even misdiagnosed with a cardiac abnormality. Any of these would've served as a final excuse, but I was adamant in the belief my perseverance would pay off.
Eventually it would be realized in a way that surprised even myself. This summer, most of the upperclassmen runners had taken jobs or gone out of town - even our coach would be absent. Without summer training, our prospects were bleak. So, every morning, I helped coordinate the summer workouts. Placing cones, using Google maps, we planned nearly sixty miles a week. By the summer's end, I was amazed to find myself acting a confident team captain and later shattered my sophomore personal records.
It's safe to say that these last few years have lent more to me than a clearer face. Through the team I've made lifelong friends and memorable experiences - a far cry from anything my past self would have done. My newly found confidence applies itself quite easily: whenever I find myself in a difficult situation, academically, mentally, or otherwise, I ask myself, "is this worse than running a timed three miles?" More often than not, it seems the only answer is a timed four.
