Hello ! I really need help here. I have some problem about grammar and sentence structure. I hope someone can proofread my essay as the due date is TOMORROW!
In English, describe your educational interests and goals and what your plans are for when you return to your home country. Please include an explanation of why you would like to study the major you have selected.
During my 16 years existence in this world, I have been through and witnessed a lot of troubles and challenges. This has made me to be very sensitive and had to give more attention in planning for the future with thorough preparation. Seeing my mum working hard every day to raise her children in a comfortable environment with sufficient finance and upbringing, has trigerred me to find my interest that can lead me to a better life.
In each exam, I will look for the subjects that I had scored well. Suprisingly, it was physics. I just realized that I can understand this subject much easier than others after all this time. Not to forget, curiosity about everything on earth has never disappeared from my mind. I cannot erase this thinking from my mind as I find it is interesting. These two aspects are the main keys for me to find the course that suit me well.
Day by day,I was desperated to search for the course in university that can fit my situation. I love physics and in the same time I need a career that can secure the future of mine. Combating these debilitating circumstances, I ceaselessly trying to pick and compare the courses in university that suit my passion and career-to-be. This is not an easy task to be honest. I did some research about the course that can link with oil and gas industry. Maybe this seems to be too sudden. But as I had said earlier, I need a job that can suit my interest and upgrade my living. Finally, I found this path.
Malaysia, my motherland has Petronas which is the national oil company had ranked among the Fortune Global 500 largest corporations in the world. Knowing this fact make me eager to futher my study in Physics or Earth Science as I want to master in Geophysics . Being passionate to be succeed, has helped give me the motivation to excel in academic and co-curriculum during high school.
Enrollment in Minnesota University for my undergraduate studies will be a very promising chance that I would acknowledge. I want to attend Minnesota because of its top-of-the-line Earth Sciences of excellence. I chose to major in this course as I find that my interest lead me there. My senior always post in Facebook and Instagram about everything that she had been through during her freshmen in this course. I am so envy with her as I wanted so much to study in this course.
To me, a career is not just a medium for me to succeed in life but also a way to contribute to my beloved country. Only the one that sparks the brightest will be noticed, so I will need a Minnesota education to help me achieve these educational interests and goals of mine.
I would encourage you to use a different writing strategy. Your essay sounds as if you narrate it from outside, you are telling the story, not showing it. It is important that you use anecdotes or examples to make your story stand out. Do not simply tell who you are, prove it. You clearly have an affair with physics, so why don't you write an experience that helped you determine physics is your passion, something like (this is an example):
"During the cold nights, I stare in delight at the stars. Their beauty makes me wonder about the mysteries of the universe. It is in this curiosity and love for observation, which made me want to be an astrophysicist".
I hope this helps, and good luck with your essays.
