How my mom changed my life, childhood to adulthood

Every child is afraid of entering adulthood; we are preparing to take responsibility for our own actions, live away from home, pay our own bills, and make our own decisions without others. Six years ago, everything I took for granted had fallen into pieces.

In the summer of 2011, my mother was diagnosed with a rare viral infection called Myocarditis. It seemed somehow unreal; a figment of an overactive imagination. She has always been by my side no matter what happened, through the good and the bad. She had shown me that with determination and perseverance, one can accomplish anything.

On July 11, 2011, my mother told my dad and I how she felt really ill. That night, she went to bed early because we all thought it was just a fever. The next morning, she walked out of the bathroom and collapsed. I immediately ran out and called my dad then an ambulance. Due to her condition, she had to be transferred from Shady Grove Hospital to MedStar Washington Hospital Center by helicopter. On the helicopter, the doctors announced that she passed away for 45 minutes. Saying it's a miracle how she is still alive today. Looking down at her in the hospital, made me realize that it was now my turn to take care of her the way she did for me the past 11 years.

Growing up, I would always help my mother around the house by doing laundry, washing the dishes, and sometimes help her cook dinner. At that time, we were living in an apartment of six, including myself. Since I was 11 years old at the time, I wasn't allowed to visit my mom as often because my father was afraid I was going to get sick. Instead, I had to take care of my two year-old baby cousin, Jason. However, I stumbled; the thought of taking care of another human being startled me. Knowing that his life is controlled by my actions. Nonetheless, if I didn't have the opportunity to take care of him, I would've never been as close to him as I am now.

A few weeks later on August 2, 2011, my mother was allowed to come home. After all that time in the hospital, she had to learn how to walk again. Everything I took for granted, she needed help with. For example, getting out of bed, using the restroom, or even taking a shower. For a long period of time, I tried to make her feel as comfortable as she can. In the apartment, my mother and I had to share a bedroom. Every night around 2 am, I would help her get up and take her to the restroom and back. This made me realize how much time and effort she put into taking care of me when I was younger.

Although the past few years were hard on all of us, I have grown into the person I am today. Learning from my mistakes and considering it the epitome of my transformation into an adult. Life is about living to one's fullest potential and having an appreciation for those who have supported me. Before all of this happened, I used to think maturity was all about independence and paying bills. But now after taking care of my mother, it has taught me how adulthood is formed by the choices we make, and that one day I can be an adult capable of strength in the face of adversity.

Amanda, I think you need to focus your essay more on the story of how your mother's illness jump started your entrance into adulthood. Always remember that the center of the essay must never deviate from the main character, namely, you. If you review the first part of your essay, your mother is actually the focal point. So when you start to talk about yourself, you constantly refer back to her illness, which should not be the case. I think fixing the introduction should work well in this instance. For example I would say something like:

In the summer of 2011, my mother suffered from a Myocarditis. As she fought for her life at the hospital, I fought to help my father keep my family together. This was a turning point in my life. This was the time when all my life experiences converged to help me develop into an adult.

Then you can tell the story of everything that you did while your mother was in the hospital. Close it with her return home and the main lesson that you learned that made you feel like you were an adult now. By telling the story this way, I really think that you can keep the focus on yourself as the main character.

@HOLT
Thank you so much, this helped a lot. I will try to re-word a few sentences to change the view of the readers, to focus on how this affected my transition.

Holt is right, they don't want to hear a sad story about a disease, but they do find exception when the writer shows how such scenario changed them as an individual- make that the focal point