My mom - Most influential person essay

This essay is for college admission on the most influential person in my life and i would like your help editing it and getting your suggestions on it.

Throughout my life I have had many people that have influenced me, but the most influential of them all is my mom. My mom has earned this rank because she reflects the picture of a strong, independent woman. Her strength comes from within, acquired by the hardships she has faced. The reason I admire her strength is the fact that she was able to end a bad marriage for the sake of her children, and kept fighting for years later to ensure their safety, away from the very man she was trying to break free from in the first place.

She is an example of a great mother who has brought up three children on her own, and who has yet lived a good life with the help from few. She has made me understand the quote "When there is a will, there is a way", and this surely did make a difference to me. From this I focus on my goals and work hard to excel at them. My mom worked as a nurse and would wake up early to make sure we got off to school and then worked a twelve hour day. I admire my mother for the compassion she is gives towards others. The way she relates her experiences and her perception on others' problems, she is able to help them, thus showing understanding and compassion. When her friend was involved in a bad relationship she was there for her and advised her and brought her back on the right track. All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today, and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.

but the one who influences me the most is my mum.


...because she reflects the picture of a strong and independent woman.


Her strength comes from the fire within her, acquired by all the hardships she has faced.


The reason I admire her strength is the fact...


You have already mentioned independence.
You can rather say: She is an example of a great mother who has reared three children on her own, and who has yet lived a good life with the help of few.


She made me understand the quote 'When there is a will, there is a way', and this surely did make a difference to me. I always focus on whatever I want to excel.


I admire her for the compassion she has to others.


The way she relates her experiences and her perception on others' problems, she is able to help them, thus showing her carefulness.


...advised her and brought her back on the right track.


My mum's qualities have contributed towards my well upbringing and whenever I call her 'mum', I feel proud for the great person she is and made me become.

You have used 'mom' too many times.

My mom have affected my life greatly and have helped me become the person I am today. she have helped me in many ways; she push me to be the best, she's always there for me, and she possess good qualities that I try to obtain. My parents are always pushing me to be the best. Because they believe that, I have a bright future ahead of me, and they want me to make the most out of it. Whenever I have a problem with anything, I can always go to them. They have shown me that a parent can be more than just your parent they can be your friend as well. With all his advice and support, I have become a stronger and better person.

Throughout my life I have had many people that have influenced me, but the most influential person to me out of all of them is my mom. --- you can write this sentence in 1/2 the number of words, so cut it down to size! :-)

My mom has earned this right (not a right, a "rank")because I feel that she is the picture you see (no comma necessary here) when you think of a strong, independent woman. Her strength comes from within, and you can tell when you when you talk to her, not to mention when you hear what she has done.

The way she can take her experiences and apply them to help other shows how she cares. --- this sentence is incomplete! You can revise it to give it a predicate. :-)

Whenever you have a compound sentence, use a comm:
All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today, and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.

I bet this will make her feel good about the role she has played as a mother. Congratulate her for me!