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'My mother is what I aspire to be' - who has made an impact on your life

Can someone please help me edit this?

"Don't get caught up on the troubles in life, life goes on, and so will you." This quote was given to me when I was a young boy by my mother. As you grow older you realize how important she is to you. You realize that what you thought was "nagging" as a teenager became some of the most important things you could have heard in life. From "look both ways before crossing" to the quote above has done nothing but made you who you are today.

My mother is what I aspire to be. She is independent and strong, but she is joyful and loving as well. She gives 110% for everything she does, whether it is for work or for us. She is honest and loyal, if she makes a promise she will do anything to make sure it happens. She is the most respectable person I know. She is my inspiration.

I owe all of my hard work in high school to her. I am an honor student because of her and her love. Even through the numbers of rigorous AP courses and exams, she has been there to support me. I would come home, start homework and stay up all night sitting at the dining room table with her next to me. She was there to help in any way possible. Now that I think about it, the way she helped the most was just being there, there to get me through it. "Just a few more, son" would be the phrase that pushed me through to the end. When it came to exams, I would excel and go home to her and show her the grade. Her face would glow, knowing that I would go somewhere in life no matter how tough it was.

Going to college is what my mother wants the most for us. She is always asking about my grades and how my classes are. That is why I do my best in school. I look forward to being able to tell her that my day was awesome and I aced all my tests and quizzes. She is the reason I want to go to into the engineering field. She is the reason I want to succeed in life. She is the most inspirational person in my life. She is my mother.

Sep 17, 2011   #2
a teenager becomes some of the most

Make sure you add a comma before the word "but" every time you use it.

My mother is who I aspire to be

Towards the end you begin to go into a lot of detail on the number of AP courses you took and how you aced all of your tested... I would try and avoid these subjects because the admissions officer is already going to see all these things on your transcript. Try to stay focused on the impact your mother had.

It's a really great topic, just read through it and rewrite by combining some of your shorter sentences and making every word count!

I'd love it if you could read through my essay I just posted.
"She is the reason I want to go to into the engineering field" would be better phrased as "She is the reason I want to pursue engineering" or "She is the reason I want to go into the field of engineering."

It's a good, honest essay. gooood work.

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