I had just moved to Canada a few weeks ago; How you overcame a challenge...

I'm 13 words over the word limit (200 words). Please edit my essay in whatever way you think is best and cut it down to 200.
Does my essay answer the question and flow smoothly ? Any advice/comment is welcome.
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Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process.

I had just moved to Canada a few weeks ago. But soon enough I started to miss my family, my friends and all the things I used to do back home.

I found myself in the midst of unfamiliar people in an unfamiliar land. Their lifestyle was so different than mine. I felt angry and confused. I lost my appetite and found myself unable to concentrate. I was going through a cultural shock !

I knew I had to do something. Instead of shunning myself from this new life, I decided to embrace it whole-heartedly. I learnt about Canadian history, arts, politics and tried to figure out why Canadians acted the way they did.

I visited the iconic C.N. Tower, gazed at the majestic Niagara Falls and also tasted maple syrup for the first time. I started playing hockey, went to the Calgary Stampede and came to know what a 'double-double' was at a 'Tim Hortons'.

Along the way I met new people, made new friends and built a support system that I could ask for help.

This experience has made me all that appreciative of how rich the Canadian culture really is, and how wonderful Canadians actually are.

It has broadened my horizons and moulded me into the person I am today.

Their lifestyle was so different to what I used to lead in my homeland.


I was so confused and depressed.


This culture shock kept my appetite and concentration away from me.


.... both these paras describe the attempts you made in order to get rid of your depression. So have them all in one para.

Thank you dumi.

On a rate of 1 to 10, how much will you guys rate this essay ?

Well, I may not be the best person to do that and hope someone else would help you rate this. I guess this is for college admission, isn't it? So, why are you keen on being rated?

About your essay, I think you should group your ideas and have a few paragraphs rather than just a bunch of detached lines.

just signing my name here to avoid plagiarism issues...

Author:
C M Basharat Ul Hedayet
Saint Mary's University