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"Music is a central part in my life" - Common App - Elaborate on Extra Curricular



gongnatalie 3 / 8  
Oct 9, 2010   #1
Hi Everyone,

This is my response for the short answer part of the writing section for the Common App. I would really appreciate it if anyone could give me feedback on both the overall focus of the essay as well as the grammar aspects.

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

Ever since the second grade, music has been a major part of my life. As a violinist, I have learned the rewards of strict self-discipline. The routines professional violinists follows, such as practicing daily and studying different interpretations of a composition, have taught me that perseverance will yield progress, even though I may be unable to detect improvement; my involvement with the Greater Buffalo Youth Orchestra is the catalyst that helped me realize this. The GBYO has been an integral part of my life since ninth grade, not only because of the dedication required, but also because the orchestra has given me the opportunity to perform with, learn from, and form strong friendships with talented musicians who have gone on to major conservatories; the orchestra and my colleagues have trained me to always work sedulously, a skill that I have applied to music and other aspects of life.

(Word count: 148)

Thanks!
Natalie

thekingwillwhip - / 4  
Oct 9, 2010   #2
I think this is a fantastic essay. I really like how you relate the music to your life. It ties the EC to your passion and shows that you really care about it and are not doing it just for college.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 12, 2010   #3
Ever since the second grade, music has been a major part of my life.

Is this the best thing to tell the reader at the start of the essay? I think this essay would be okay without this sentence, and you could hook the reader's attention with a sentence that is intriguing or insightful.

The routines professional violinists follows follow, such as practicing daily and studying different various interpretations of a composition, have taught me that perseverance will yield progress, even though I may be unable ...

Nice! I hope the AO reader is a musician so she can really appreciate this.


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