Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5

My name and it's influences on me: COMMON APP ESSAY:


juesewang 4 / 9  
Dec 21, 2009   #1
My name and it's influences on me

Digging for a study snack on Wednesday night, I came upon a carton of orange juice. Stuck on was a note reading "drink your juice Juese." By now, I'm use to clever twists like this involving my name. From third grade on, when I moved to the United States from China, I was introduced as Juese Wang instead of Jue Se Wang. This change indefinitely altered my name's original meaning to nothing more than a fruit beverage. However, this adjustment shaped the way I am today. My name has served as an ice-breaker in unfamiliar environments. It has saved me from making tedious and uninteresting small talk while opening up an easy approach for strangers to strike up conversation. With a name like mine, I am essentially required to be gregarious.

My peers identify me as the outgoing socialite with an exceptionally creative mind set on achieving my goals. Junior year, I sought to build a fundraiser for Benjamin Franklin High School. Following discussions with the CEO of Franklin, I became Student Chair and part of an honorary committee consisting of Ben Franklin faculty and administration members on a developing festival called Fruhlingsfiere. Through multiple committee meetings, the mission statement of Fruhlingsfiere developed into creating an event that would expand funds school wide. Additionally, it also developed into a community building event that celebrates the achievements of a distinguished network of teachers, students, parents, and alumni. This event is symbolic of me because I love contributing my time to philanthropic causes and discovering innovative and fun ways to get everyone involved. It's an excellent way to channel my gregarious nature.

Being friendly and outgoing, I introduce myself to everyone around me. While I have made many great friends, I have also experienced many immature taunts and jokes made at my name's expense. I've experienced responsible adults slip out inappropriate jokes about my name, observed my peers gradually adjust to the queerness of calling a person "Juese", and have gone through multiple banters with toddlers about the "awesome-ness" of my name. Ultimately, I recognized maturity is not measured in years but in how one responds to a situation and what one learns as a result. I have accepted that my name will be seen as an invitation to open fire with inappropriate jokes by some individuals. However, I learned that these taunts are trivial and inconsequential because they contain no meaning. They do not relate to who I am and what my interests and achievements are. I feel fortunate to have a unique name that immediately distinguishes me from everyone else. My name indirectly provided me with valuable life lessons, introduced me to a loving group of friends, and trained me to be outgoing. My name, in a way, is my safety net, and unlike many peoples' safety net; it is not ephemeral. When a daunting situation arises, I always have a backup plan to diminish the tension. "Hello, my name is Juese Wang."

Any suggestions?
sportybluei 7 / 40  
Dec 24, 2009   #2
I am known by my friends as compassionate and protective.

I don't think you really need this sentence. It also doesn't quite go with your previous sentences, that focuses on you being talkative and outgoing.

Junior year, I sought to build a fundraiser for Benjamin Franklin High School.

I came up with a plan to build... would be better.

I was part of an honorary committee consisting of Ben Franklin faculty members and administration.

Hmm.. this seems unnecessary.. really, even though it shows how important your position as a student chair was.

Through multiple committee meetings, the mission statement of Fruhlingsfiere developed into creating an event that would not only expand funds school wide; but also bring the community together to celebrate the achievements of a distinguished network of teachers, students, parents, and alumni.

Should be connected by a comma, not with a semicolon. But that would make the sentence terribly long.. so you should think about breaking them into two different sentences, but by still having same ideas..

Through dealing with immature taunts and jokes made at my name's expense, I learned the meaning of maturity. I've experienced responsible adults slip out inappropriate jokes about my name, observed my peers gradually adjust to the queerness of calling a person "Juese", and have gone through multiple banters with toddlers about the "awesome-ness" of my name. Ultimately, I recognized maturity is not measured in years but in how one responds to a situation and what one learns as a result. I have accepted that my name will be seen as an invitation to open fire with inappropriate jokes by some individuals. However, I learned that these taunts are trivial and inconsequential because they contain no meaning. They do not relate to who I am and what my interests and achievements are.

This whole paragraph.. (or part of a paragraph).. doesn't really focus on your gregarious nature, which should be the main idea of the essay. It's digressing.

Otherwise, I love your essay, so interesting. Your name is interesting too. :)

Would you do me a favor of looking at my essay? Thanks. :)
OP juesewang 4 / 9  
Dec 24, 2009   #3
Thank you guys so much! Jiyoon, i will look at your essay. and Jeannie, it's kinda pronounced like drea---ce? haha sorry. very bad explanation.
lowcal 12 / 27  
Dec 24, 2009   #4
this is really good. i can understand how you feel since i go through the same thing a lot to. i don't want to sound nit-picky but you used the word "gregarious" twice. maybe try to find a different word like "affable" or "extrovert" or maybe simply "friendly." you have good voice in your essay so i would stick to that.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 24, 2009   #5
Though your original is gone, this revision appears to be almost identical, so my earlier comments stand. Sorry I can't help more.

Good luck & Happy Holidays!

Jeannie


Home / Undergraduate / My name and it's influences on me: COMMON APP ESSAY: