'nature verses nurture' - UC personal statement

Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community or school-and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
If you could help give me some good pointers that would be great.

All throughout middle school and into high school we hear about nature verses nurture and we have different teachers tell us their different opinions all the time. I believe that although we may inherit different physical attributes from our parents that may make you more athletic or music oriented, but your interactions with your family, friends, and teachers are the ones who really shape your personality. Different interactions with people have helped me aspire to either be a psychologist or a teacher.

Family is by far the biggest factor in my personality. Family is everything, whether you consider your family to be mom and dad, relatives, friends, or a mentor, everyone has a family of some sort. My family consists of me, my mom, dad, and sister. Although we have a large extended family as well, I only see them at holidays and birthdays. The person that I am most like in my family is my mom. She has such a strong personality and is a very compassionate person. One of the biggest things that my mom always does is look for the good in people. The last two years my dad struggled a lot with addiction and it caused my parents to separate and even after everything that happened, my mom still got my dad to go to counseling and tried to help him overcome all of his problems. My mom's willingness to help my dad even after everything that had happened inspired me to possibly go into psychology.

In attempt to further explore psychology I decided to take social psychology this year with my teacher Mrs. Willems. That class is definitely one of my favorite classes. Taking this class has really intrigued me about the human mind and why we have the reactions that we do. During class we always have different activities like the selective attention test and every day I would come home and show my family the videos we watched and do some of the different experiments we did as well. I couldn't wait to tell my family about what I learned in that class.

Another teacher who has helped shaped my goals and aspirations is my fifth and seventh grade teacher, Miss. Canning. She was one of the few teachers that actually cared about her students and tried to make a difference in each of their lives both in an academic level and on a personal level. She made me actually enjoy school and is the one person who changed my opinion about teachers. She made me think about possibly becoming a teacher in the future.

My world around me has shaped me into the person I am today and has helped shape my dreams and aspirations dramatically. Without meeting different people in my life, my dreams would be completely different than what they are now. I am so glad I have had different experiences that have shaped my dreams for a career around either being a psychologist or a teacher, and I hope I continue to have more experiences and meet more people who will help me make the right decision on which career to choose.

I think that you should focus on one aspect of family.The essay is not a place to talk about nature vs nurture.Get to your point. You dont need to define family you need to show what your family has taught you and show how that has affected your dreams and aspirations.Did your mother's attitude help you reach your highest potential?You need to rewrite this with a clear focus and theme. write the qualities you poses and focus on one ore two family members and show how they have helped shape you into the person you are today.Good luck!

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I agree with Blueshire, expanding on the idea of your mother will definetly help get your essay going in the right firection. You did great in describing your mother, but why don't you try expanding on effects she's had on you in other aspects of your life. (Besides your career choice)

"My mom's willingness to help my dad even after everything that had happened inspired me to possibly go into psychology."

Also, there is no need to trash out the effect your teachers have had on you. Perhaps try mentioning a specific instance or story about one of your teachers which affected you on a more personal, less generic level. I really hope this helps :)

Would you mind giving me your thoughts on my essay -> 'My mother has shaped and molded my life and has made an impact on me'

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Perhaps you should focus more on yourself, I feel as if I got to know your mother more than I got to know you.
& take I think you should remove the teachers' names.

the last paragraph is good. (:
keep the focus on YOU!

I definitely do agree with the previous comments.
Talk more about yourself rather than the 'nature vs nurture' concepts or your teacher/mom.
Although it's really good details about the people and experiences that have influenced you, UC admission readers are looking for information on you, not them! :)

It's good though. I don't see any grammar mistakes or awkward wording. :)