"the neurology department in the local hospital" - common app paragraph

I fixed it multiple times but it still is not within the word limit. (150 words or 1000 characters less)

Could someone edit it??

Going up to the neurology department in the local hospital and checking on every patient on the floor compose of my Sundays. Volunteering at the neurology department fulfills my desire of exploring the medical field and strengths my notion of becoming a neurosurgeon; it also creates the sense of belonging. As an outcast from a foreign country, volunteering makes me feel worthy and experience the family moments which are not as accessible since I moved to Canada. When I talk to patients to make them feel comfortable, somehow in the conversations, their caring and blessing lessen my nostalgia toward my family in Taiwan. The patients I visit are also mentors of life. They strengthen me by sharing their life experiences and their positive attitude. Looking into their vulnerable yet strong; innocent yet wise eyes, I realize that life is a beautiful challenge. Old, ill, and death are evitable. However, love and compassion bring people together overcome the challenges.

Going up to the neurology department in the local hospital and checking on every patient on the floor compose of my Sundays.
---You don't need this sentence at all!

Volunteering at the neurology department fulfills my desire of exploring the medical field, andstrengthens my desire to become a neurosurgeon; it also creates a sense of belonging.

As an outcast from a foreign country, volunteering lets me feel worthy and experience the family moments which are not as accessible since I moved to Canada.

They strengthen me by sharing their life experiences and their positive attitudes .

Aging, sickness, and death are in evitable.

However, love and compassion bring people together to overcome the challenges.

Have fun in school!

:)

thank you!! it this a good paragraph tho? like good enough for administration...?

I agree that you don't need that first sentence. However, I also want to point out that if you do use it you should correct it like this:

Going up to the neurology department in the local hospital and checking on every patient on the floor compose of comprises my Sundays. ----The word is comprise.

You can also say: "My Sundays are composed of trips to the neurology department."

See that difference?

This paragraph IS good enough, because I see how it reflects your good heart and good intentions. YOU are good enough. However, I don't know if the readers will always appreciate how good this idea is. I think you should READ A RECENT JOURNAL ARTICLE that is related to your interests, and mention how you would like to get involved with specific aspects of the field. Show that you are already reading and trying to understand the most modern medical advancements. That will impress readers the most. :-)