NYU summer activity (other colleges I visited paled in comparison)

Any critics?

The first stop of my summer college visit tour required only a short train ride to the Greenwich Village. NYU had always attracted me because of its rigorous academic programs and its diverse urban setting, but I wanted to see how it was to be an NYU student by talking to actual students. Not to my surprise, all the other colleges I visited paled in comparison to NYU. The rest of my summer was spent reading my summer reading books and preparing for the upcoming year with the student council.

I think it is better to have a summary of the whole summer activity. So the last sentence can be improved.
Good luck :)

The first stop of my summer college tour required only a short train ride to Greenwich Village.

NYU had always attracted me because of its rigorous academic programs and its diverse urban setting, but I wanted to see what it was like to be an NYU student by talking to actual students.

Not surprisingly, all the other colleges I visited paled in comparison to NYU. The rest of my summer was spent reading my summer reading books and preparing for the upcoming year with the student council.

Hope this was helpful...how long is it supposed to be?

Kevin

only 500 characters and spaces, so thats why im being so vague. How do you think i can make that last sentence, or the whole thing stronger?

thanks again

well, I think you could talk about why NYU is better than other colleges and you hope you could be part of NYU in one sentence.

Hope that helps
good luck :)

I agree with justinwang. You could talk about why NYU is better and different than other colleges
Good Luck

well, because i have to summarize my summer activity i just cant just talk about why i think nyu is better than other schools

well, my suggestion is that you could summarize like that " the visit to NYU made me learn more about NYU, which convinced me that NYU would be the best place for me."

Hope that helps :)