No one is born an Einstein; Influential essay commonapp

Hi everyone,

If any of you would like to, please look at my essay below and correct any mistakes. It is on an influential person for the CommonApplication Personal Essay

Title: Special Soul

Some people are born different when it comes to education; so was I. No one is born an Einstein, but generally children start to get a grasp of the education material at a fairly young age. It would not have happened so in my case if I did not have this special person to show me the right path in life. Most people in the world at least have one subject in school they did not like when they were younger, and the case for me was mathematics. I did not like mathematics when my age was less than 12 but one math teacher called [name] influenced me in different ways, which I am still thankful for to this very day. He influenced me to pursue my goal of following the field of mathematics, and the reason I enjoy doing mathematics now is because of how Mr. [name] taught me, how he persuaded me to study math and showed ne that math can be interesting at higher levels. I was a below average student when it came to math when I was about 12 years old. The new academic year had started and I thought "oh well, this would be another boring year;" exactly the opposite of that happened, I met Mr.[name] and my life turned around in a split-second. Mr. [name] saw something in me that other teachers did not and he gave me an opportunity, and taught me in a way that it would interest me. From that day on he influenced me to learn more and more math. Mathematics started to interest me in the way Mr. [name] had taught me; he just hooked me to learn more, and only because of that I was able to learn individually with him and now I like to learn math and do courses in math that are not even in the course of high school. I only learn math now because it makes me happy, and I find math fun to learn now. Every time I look at my reflection in the mirror, I think of him, without him I would have not been the person in the mirror; instead I would have been a different person.

I hid the name for legal reasons.

Please guys, ANY help would be great! :) Grammar, topic suggestions, anything

Thanks a lot guys :D

Bump

Anyone?

Hi everyone,

From my other post I changed my whole essay. Any help would be greatly appreciated on the essay below.

No one is born an Einstein, but generally children start to get a grasp of the education material at a fairly young age. It would not have happened so in my case if I did not have this special person called Brian Marslack to show me the right path in life. Without Mr. Marslack I would have not been who I am now; he influenced me in a way that I can never forget.

Mr. Marslack had a significant influence on me when it came to mathematics. Most people have a subject they do not like; I did too; for me it was math. I had turned 12 and started the academic year of 6th grade. My first forty-five minutes of math class with my new math teacher, Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. He started teaching math, and he taught math in a way that started to interest me. Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn more mathematics, because he showed me that mathematics is fun to learn and apply. From the moment, I started learning math and I have not stopped; learning math has become my dream for the future. After Mr. Marslack influenced me to learn math, I learned math for fun, not because I had to, not because I wanted to get a good grade, but to learn, simply to learn. Mr. Marslack's favorite subject was math and soon his influence took over me and mathematics was my favorite subject too. I still to this day learn math for fun, I learn math not taught at school because it interests me and that is the biggest influence Mr. Marslack had on me, and I will never forget this.

Mr. Marslack changed my life forever. His influence had made me who I am today academically, and I am and I always will be thankful for that. I now study math for fun, I like studying math, and most of all, I do not study math because I have to. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I think of him; I would have not been the person in the mirror if Mr. Marslack had not changed me, not influenced me. Instead I would have been a different person.

Total Words: 366

Any help will be greatly appreciated

Thank you everyone

Before I start critiquing about the grammar and the technique, I'll have to inform you about me. I'm not an English language instructor nor a genius in English. My skills are mediocre and I'll try to do my best to do justice to your piece.

First of all, I find a teacher inspiring a student story quite repetitive. So, in order to make your story stand out among hundreds of other essays by several applicants, you'll have to sharpen it and make it exceptional.

Add more content to the essay, you can still add two hundred more words to make it more lucrative.

Also, is English your second language? Just asking, because I too am not a native English speaker.

You could add this sentence to your essay. "For a subject that seemed so hard to grasp, Math had become clear as a crystal to me after my first class with Mr. ..."

I will be available at 9 AM Eastern time tonight. If you want you could talk to me at that time and we can work on beautifying your piece.

Also, I'm in need of your constructive criticism. So, please do check out my essays.

Thanks

The second one starts with a better hook :)


... this is pretty confusing, I cannot get your idea clearly :(


For me, it would have not happened if I did not meet this special person, Brian Marslack who was always my guiding lamp in the right path in life.