"more about you in your own words" - Georgetown University Essay

The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either autobiographical or creative, which you feel best describes you. If transferring from a four-year institution, please include your reasons for transferring from your present institution.

This is my first draft for my application essay. Every comment is welcomed :). I haven't put my reasons to transfer though, cause I don't find the way to link them to the rest of the essay :S. Any ideas?

Who I'm I? I spend endless nights thinking on possible answers, but never found one that fully described me. But one night I found a blue box in my room, and decided to open it. This seemed to be a magical box, which contained all my life in it since I was child. That was when I understood that I was finally going answer that question that persisted on my mind.

The first thing I found where my childhood photos. My Baptism, my first birthday, family trips, all these moments that we usually forget through time but yet gave us so much happiness and in some way form our personality and character. I found my medals from the basketball championships. Then I found photos and letters from my childhood friends, the people with whom I played and enjoyed one of the happiest stages of my life, a time free of worries, were no one cared about getting fat after eating a bunch of candies, or getting dirty after playing for hours. A time in which we are very curious and like to explore the world. Then I found my report card with good grades and teachers' comments as "She is a very responsible kid". After seeing these I thought... "I haven't changed at all".

Then I found my teenage years. The first thing I saw was a letter from my mom, the person who has been always by my side, my mentor. In it she told me how much she loved me and how important I was for her. At this point I started crying, it was a very emotional moment. I also found photos from the parties I went with my best friends, with whom I spent most of my time, chatting, reading magazines, going to the movies. I kept searching and found report cards, photos when I was elected president of the Student Government, diplomas from Debate Championships, and photos when we were champions. Moments in which I felt very proud of myself. I also found the letters that the patients with whom I did community service wrote me, which are treasures for me since they remind me of how I positively influenced the life of this people, and they did to mine, too.

That was how among letters, pictures, medals and diplomas I found out who I am. I'm the people I know and that have influenced my life. I'm the mistakes I've made and have made me grow as a person. I'm still that curious child who likes to investigate everything, and googles everything. I'm a person who has enjoyed life, and has been blessed with the best friends and a marvelous family. I'm a perseverant person who works hard in order to achieve all of her goals. I'm a person who takes action in order to make her dreams come true. I'm a passionate person, who strives for perfection. I'm a leader, a person who enjoys and has been in a position in which she can positively influence others. I'm a person who likes to contribute to the community and share time with people that are somehow forgotten by the society. I'm an idealist, a person who believes that the human being can give all of its potential in order to change the world. I'm a dreamer who is determined to achieve all of her goals.

i have a question..
georgetown uses commonapp right? but i still can't find it on common application site

uadmissions.georgetown.edu

There you'll find all the information you need.

PLease I need comments!! :)

Hi Mayra-

I think you have beautiful writing style and this is a great rough/first draft... but be prepared to go through several more, maybe even write 2-3 different essay approaching the essays approaching it from different angles... I know it is a lot of work, but it is Georgetown. Even if your stats are amazing, so are everyone else's, so this is your chance to shine.

I know it is hard when are you asked to write about yourself, somehow all those English courses slip away and we begin a rambling journey through our lives trying to find our uniqueness, that special spark. But this is admissions to institute of higher learning (with tons of applications) so you need to show how your special in a succinct way that uses all those great writing skills (and all the speech writing skills you learned through debate/forensics.)

To start with you need to look at yourself as a character in a story. Which of your life events/timeframe is going to best illustrate WHY THEY WANT YOU (i.e. what is the best light you can show yourself in.) This requires a real honest look at your self as an applicant. Are there any weak points you need to bolster (requiring a how I've grown essay) or do you have on activity/interest that is very special/where you've excelled and should be highlighted. Remember to always write from personal experience and in your own voice, which so far you are doing.

I would encourage you to think of a solid structure, such as: catchy (related) intro; thesis statement; 2-3 small supporting paragraphs drawing from specific real world experience; summarize on why Georgetown and what you offer (tying it back to the thesis.) It may seem rigid, but there is still a lot room for creativity in your writing style. It is just really important to remember, no matter what the prompt, is what the admissions committee is looking for and what you need to accomplish in the essay: letting them know why they want you, and why Georgetown is the best school/has the best programs for you.

Whew! I know that was long but I hoped it helped. Good Luck!

Thanks! I'll work on that!!! :)

The first things I found were my childhood photos.

My Baptism, my first birthday, family trips, all these moments that we usually forget through time but yet gave us so much happiness and in some way form our personality and character.---------this sentence is not complete! You have to change it a little:

My Baptism, my first birthday, family trips -- all these are moments that we usually forget through after some time passes, but they gave us so much happiness and in some way formed our personality and character.

I kept searching and found report cards, photos of when I was elected president of the Student Government, diplomas from Debate Championships, and photos of when we were champions. These were moments in which I felt very proud of myself.

EF_Kevin
Thanks for the grammar corrections :). English is not my first language, si its a vit difficult to do it perfectly. Thanks for your help. What do you guys think about the idea that the essay transmits?

one of the reasons you might want to transfer to another college should be first and foremost academic. Emphasize on the strong department or program the school you want to transfer to has to offer. then other secondary factors like spiritual or social influences of the area, is another reason you might want to transfer.