"A part of me wanted to stay back forever" ; RICE supplement- Early decision!

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.
I'm applying early decision to Rice so I would appreciate any help and please be harsh! thanks

After taking the first campus tour of Rice, a part of me wanted to stay back, forever. Living in the suburbs for most of my life, I have never really experienced a metropolitan environment. Located in the heart of downtown Houston, Rice would allow me to venture out and engage in the vibrant city life. I want to be able to take a bus around the city and see the architectural wonders, museums, shops and cafes. Situated in the suburbs, my high school classes contained a maximum of about twenty-seven students; I have grown accustomed to a modest class size. There was always a prospect of personally asking the teacher a question. Rice offers just that, providing me with the opportunity to interact with my professors as needed. At the same time, it maintains an assorted student body. Students from all over the world attend the institution and it would be fascinating to learn about their unique backgrounds. There is a plethora of cultures available at Rice and I would be honored to be a part of it. I want to learn from my peers, see things from their point of view, and also share my own insights with them.

I think this is well written! However, just to add another catchy dimension, I would include a couple specific examples of what exactly you experienced in the suburban area in the beginning of the essay. And then go on to say what Rice has that counteracts what you have known.

I like if you had given some specific indication that you are really looking forward to experiencing that kind of life.


I like if you have this after the next sentence because I feel it arranges a better flow. Then the reader would know why you like to take such a ride and hang around in cafes and shops.


Good point by Anumeha. Yes, your response is quite well written, but try to enhance its effect with the above suggestion.