Please help me edit my essay.
Prompt: Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you and why?
Passion, determination, and my drive is what takes me forward in providing any type of service. Service to me is giving your time and effort voluntarily to help someone or a cause. It is not developed within easily since not everyone wants to spend their time helping or serving others mostly that is not always a job with compensation.
Most of the community service activities I have done was to gain hours towards the graduation requirement and the cord which is selfish of me, however volunteering at Miami Childrens hospital was not. As a freshman in 2012 my aunt informed me of an opportunity in working at this hospital and having an interest in working in the medical field and with young children I said yes. The volunteer process included filling out paperwork, getting two teacher recommendations, attending an orientation, and then finally have an interview where a woman asked me a couple questions to decide on an area in the hospital where I would best fit in. I was placed in the area called Bed Control also known as the Admitting Department. Here I answered and made phone calls, delivered important documents to other departments around the hospital, but most importantly escort patients to the assigned rooms. But away from the work I developed friendships with many of the employees in or entering department from nurses to a few doctors, these people made me feel welcomed and happy. The friendships and all the interactions I had always made me want to keep coming back every week and stay longer but sadly I could probably be there for three hours.
Multiple friends and family members of mine have lauded me when I mentioned this specific volunteer service I had done however I do not see it as an big accomplishment they make it seem. Do not get me wrong I am proud of myself for staying committed to the service for two years and I could've done it for more if it was not for family issues, it is just that I know I could provide a much larger service to my community. I want to do a service still helping children in need of medical attention and I know it will be difficult to do mostly that I want it to become a project where others passionate as I am can be involved in. Hopefully being enrolled at Florida State University I can be educated in what I am interested to learn which is speech and communication disorders and with that I can discover what and how I can use that knowledge to help the children in my community. Soon enough with this service project I am so determine to establish will not only help locally but motivate others to follow. This can be considered a dream but I want to make it my life goal as an individual who sees providing service to my community important.
Prompt: Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you and why?
Passion, determination, and my drive is what takes me forward in providing any type of service. Service to me is giving your time and effort voluntarily to help someone or a cause. It is not developed within easily since not everyone wants to spend their time helping or serving others mostly that is not always a job with compensation.
Most of the community service activities I have done was to gain hours towards the graduation requirement and the cord which is selfish of me, however volunteering at Miami Childrens hospital was not. As a freshman in 2012 my aunt informed me of an opportunity in working at this hospital and having an interest in working in the medical field and with young children I said yes. The volunteer process included filling out paperwork, getting two teacher recommendations, attending an orientation, and then finally have an interview where a woman asked me a couple questions to decide on an area in the hospital where I would best fit in. I was placed in the area called Bed Control also known as the Admitting Department. Here I answered and made phone calls, delivered important documents to other departments around the hospital, but most importantly escort patients to the assigned rooms. But away from the work I developed friendships with many of the employees in or entering department from nurses to a few doctors, these people made me feel welcomed and happy. The friendships and all the interactions I had always made me want to keep coming back every week and stay longer but sadly I could probably be there for three hours.
Multiple friends and family members of mine have lauded me when I mentioned this specific volunteer service I had done however I do not see it as an big accomplishment they make it seem. Do not get me wrong I am proud of myself for staying committed to the service for two years and I could've done it for more if it was not for family issues, it is just that I know I could provide a much larger service to my community. I want to do a service still helping children in need of medical attention and I know it will be difficult to do mostly that I want it to become a project where others passionate as I am can be involved in. Hopefully being enrolled at Florida State University I can be educated in what I am interested to learn which is speech and communication disorders and with that I can discover what and how I can use that knowledge to help the children in my community. Soon enough with this service project I am so determine to establish will not only help locally but motivate others to follow. This can be considered a dream but I want to make it my life goal as an individual who sees providing service to my community important.