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My Passion for Helping Children in Need (350 words) - Boston University Supplemental Essay



gigi_aa 3 / 6  
Nov 2, 2024   #1
Hi all! Please take a look at my supplemental essay below. I chose question 1. This is a first draft, so I'd really appreciate any feedback that'll help me improve this essay, and let me know if I've answered the prompt clearly, if things sound cohesive, and what I can do to improve. Also, it says "300 words or less" but the world limit is 350. Just thought I'd mention that. Thank you in advance!

Boston University is dedicated to our founding principles: "that higher education should be accessible to all and that research, scholarship, artistic creation, and professional practice should be conducted in the service of the wider community-local and international. These principles endure in the University's insistence on the value of diversity in its tradition and standards of excellence and its dynamic engagement with the City of Boston and the world." With this mission in mind, please respond to one of the following two questions in 300 words or less:

1. Reflect on a social or community issue that deeply resonates with you. Why is it important to you, and how have you been involved in addressing or raising awareness about it?


Balancing a tray of raw pastries on my head, I walk through Chefchaouen, Morocco. I'm on my way to the Ferrane, the communal oven, and en route, I see a little boy pushing a cart of plastic bottles, selling them for repurposing. I stop him. Then, instinctively, I lower my tray and count 15 pastries, smiling as I hand them to him to bake later.

I've always felt a deep sense of duty toward struggling children because they remain the most helpless members of society, and I've consistently strived to help them however I can.

For instance, in response to the death of 17000 Palestinian children, my friends and I organized an international fundraiser-with an artistic twist. In this fundraiser, donors commission writers for a piece of poetry or fiction. Then, they "pay" for their commissions by donating to the PCRF or vetted Gazan children's/families' GoFundMe's. The project has grown to 112 participating writers worldwide and raised $4625. While this sum isn't huge, I feel fulfilled knowing I'm contributing-even if just a little- to easing Palestinian children's suffering.

Another time, recognizing that low-income children lack the academic opportunities available to others, I tutored over 100 of them for four years. I was delighted every time a student expressed how much more confident they felt sitting an exam following one of our sessions.

To raise awareness about children's rights violations in Palestine, Ukraine, and Congo, I organized an intercontinental moot-court tournament. UNICEF workers delivered speeches emphasizing the importance of protecting children and expanding on their situation in the aforementioned countries. Then, participants competed in moot court rounds, where they delivered legal cases advocating for violated child plaintiffs. Many competitors contacted me afterward to express their newfound understanding of the issues discussed.

With having privilege comes responsibility, a duty to share our goodness with the less fortunate. War-torn and poverty-stricken children will not disappear, but we must still do what we can to alleviate the burdens they carry all alone. "One child saved is better than zero" has always been my motto, and I look forward to continuing my advocacy at Boston University.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Nov 3, 2024   #2
Use a more relevant hook in your opening scenario. You are trying to set up the essay to focus on your interest in Children's Rights and how these are being violated in your home country. Use the story of the boy to reflect how your eyes were opened to the stories of children's abuse in the area. Before that though, indicate a period of observation that led you to think about how child labor laws in your country need to be addressed because of the way it opens up children to abuse. Then use the story of the boy as the dynamite that pushed you towards action.

You can remove the story about tutoring the kids. It removes from the drama of that was building up in the story you were relating. You do not need to hit 350 words. That may be the maximum but the sweet spot is actually 300. Believe me, the reviewer will appreciate the quick story telling on your part. It helps you get to the point quicker and the reviewer will be able to assess your essay much faster.
OP gigi_aa 3 / 6  
Nov 3, 2024   #3
Merged:

My Passion for Helping Children in Need (340 words) Revised Version - BostonU Supplemental Essay



I took Holt's advice and tried to tweak things based on their feedback. I hope you all can let me know what you think and what more needs to be done. Is the content good? Is the structure smooth? What should I edit? Thank you in advance :)

Boston University is dedicated to our founding principles: "that higher education should be accessible to all and that research, scholarship, artistic creation, and professional practice should be conducted in the service of the wider community-local and international. These principles endure in the University's insistence on the value of diversity in its tradition and standards of excellence and its dynamic engagement with the City of Boston and the world." With this mission in mind, please respond to one of the following two questions in 300 words or less:

1. Reflect on a social or community issue that deeply resonates with you. Why is it important to you, and how have you been involved in addressing or raising awareness about it?


Balancing a tray of raw pastries on my head, I walk through Chefchaouen, Morocco. I'm on my way to the Ferrane, the communal oven, and en route, I see a little boy pushing a cart of plastic bottles, selling them for repurposing. I stop him. Then, instinctively, I lower my tray and count 15 pastries, smiling as I hand them to him to bake later.

This was my first time witnessing a struggling child firsthand, and it struck a potent emotion within me, an unignorable sense of duty. I was better off than millions of little people worldwide, and I realized that I sat idly on a mountain of rights and privilege. Stories of children's abuse had to be heard and addressed, so I became a storyteller.

To raise awareness about children's rights violations in Palestine, Ukraine, Congo, and Morocco, I organized an intercontinental moot-court tournament that fostered empathy and global citizenry. UNICEF workers delivered speeches detailing the effects of war and child labor on the previous countries' youth and provided resources and UN opportunities for young activists hoping to act. Then, over 40 participants competed in moot court rounds where they delivered legal cases advocating for mock-violated child plaintiffs.

In response to the death of 17000 Palestinian children, my friends and I organized an international fundraiser-with an artistic twist. In this fundraiser, donors commission writers for a piece of poetry or fiction. Then, they "pay" for their commissions by donating to the PCRF or vetted Gazan children's/families' GoFundMe's. The project has grown to 112 participating writers worldwide and raised $4625. While this sum isn't huge, I feel fulfilled knowing I'm contributing-even if just a little- to easing Palestinian children's suffering.

With being privileged comes responsibility, a duty to share our bounties with the less fortunate. Poor, abused children will not disappear, but we must still do what we can to alleviate the burdens they carry all alone. "One child saved is better than zero" has always been my motto, and I'm excited to continue my advocacy at Boston University.


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