My passion for robotic - AIF Waterloo Comp Eng Question #1

i need as much feedback as possible, regarding sentence structure, content, vocabulary - much appreciated

Tell us about a passion or strong interest of yours. How [and when] did you become involved in this interest [and for how long have you been involved]? What have you learned about yourself from this interest? How will you apply this knowledge as a student at the University of Waterloo? (900-character limit)

My passion for robotics began as a child at Montreal's Science Museum, where I glimpsed humanity's ambition to terraform Mars. Inspired, I used this vision to audition for my grade 5 FLL team: 'Into Orbit', featuring issues regarding space exploration. From there, I progressed from LEGO to VEX, and eventually designing custom components through CAD software. This commitment led my partner and I to develop a robot that eliminates algae accumulation off industrial vessels, earning us silver at the World Robot Olympiad in Panama. Competitions taught me to work within limitations while designing my robot unlocked new leeway to innovate and iterate without confined boundaries. I hope to bring this mindset to Waterloo's GreenHouse incubator, where knowledge from ECE 486: Robot Dynamics & Control can enhance my ability to prototype robotic systems for environmental impact.

There are 2 ways that this essay can actually proceed for the interest of the reviewer. The first way is the one you just presented, wherein you continued the discussion of your chosen major and how you choose to pursue it at Waterloo. That is the standard approach that every applicant will take, thinking that is the information that the reviewer requires. However, the prompt is not major centric. It is actually giving you an opportunity to showcase an aspect of your character or personality that you could pursue at Waterloo, independent of your course major. The application prompts already focus on your chosen major. This prompt, asks you to inform the reviewer about what else you can bring to the student community of Waterloo that can help to enhance the student experience within the community. He wants to know that you are familiar with other aspects of Waterloo beyond just academics.