Hi everyone there,
I'm trying to write a discretionary entrance essay to University of Otago but not sure if this is right! :(
Please please could you guys correct my grammar, or the order the sentences or anything that is not right!
I will be pleased with any advice!! and any help!! Thank you all!
In high school, I had difficulty of studying even though I had a high interest in Science studies due to the peer pressure from people I hung around with in a year 13. To avoid the peer pressure issue, I have decided to move school hoping it would be better, but it didn't help much as community was too small and it was impossible not to see them around. Therefore, I have graduated from high school only with the level two endorsements. After graduating high school I only had a minimal interest on studying as lack of self-confidence due to failure to achieve the level three endorsements. However, I personally wanted to try to study without the peer pressure near me, so I made the decision to apply a science foundation's course in Auckland University of Technology.
Recently, While I was studying the science foundation's course in Auckland University of Technology. I have discovered my interest towards in Health Science course. Initially, when I first started this course, I only had a minimal interest towards science as itself. However, a participation and experience of voluntary services in a local hospital and the studies of Human anatomy and physiology, biophysics, chemistry and others I studied, intrigued me as I have always had an interest in human body systems and medicines from my early age. This changed me as I felt strongly attracted to these studies and my passion and interest towards Health Science grew tremendously big.
In the long summer holiday, I have done the independent study to prepare in the health science course with the resources provided by my old friend who had just finished the first year of health science in Otago. The desperateness of studying gave me the high quality of the knowledge needed in health science and also self-confidence.
I had offers to study for the medical laboratory science and the health science course in AUT University but Health science course in AUT University are limited and it's different to the health science course in Otago University. Also I have visited the Otago University to take a look around and I was pleased with the Otago University providing the best conditions for students to study. For the amount of time I have to spend in school,
it is important to me that I am going to school somewhere I thoroughly enjoy being and where I can study my best. I hope that I could study the health science course in University of Otago.
I'm trying to write a discretionary entrance essay to University of Otago but not sure if this is right! :(
Please please could you guys correct my grammar, or the order the sentences or anything that is not right!
I will be pleased with any advice!! and any help!! Thank you all!
Study Difficulties and Peer Pressure
In high school, I had difficulty of studying even though I had a high interest in Science studies due to the peer pressure from people I hung around with in a year 13. To avoid the peer pressure issue, I have decided to move school hoping it would be better, but it didn't help much as community was too small and it was impossible not to see them around. Therefore, I have graduated from high school only with the level two endorsements. After graduating high school I only had a minimal interest on studying as lack of self-confidence due to failure to achieve the level three endorsements. However, I personally wanted to try to study without the peer pressure near me, so I made the decision to apply a science foundation's course in Auckland University of Technology.
Recently, While I was studying the science foundation's course in Auckland University of Technology. I have discovered my interest towards in Health Science course. Initially, when I first started this course, I only had a minimal interest towards science as itself. However, a participation and experience of voluntary services in a local hospital and the studies of Human anatomy and physiology, biophysics, chemistry and others I studied, intrigued me as I have always had an interest in human body systems and medicines from my early age. This changed me as I felt strongly attracted to these studies and my passion and interest towards Health Science grew tremendously big.
In the long summer holiday, I have done the independent study to prepare in the health science course with the resources provided by my old friend who had just finished the first year of health science in Otago. The desperateness of studying gave me the high quality of the knowledge needed in health science and also self-confidence.
I had offers to study for the medical laboratory science and the health science course in AUT University but Health science course in AUT University are limited and it's different to the health science course in Otago University. Also I have visited the Otago University to take a look around and I was pleased with the Otago University providing the best conditions for students to study. For the amount of time I have to spend in school,
it is important to me that I am going to school somewhere I thoroughly enjoy being and where I can study my best. I hope that I could study the health science course in University of Otago.
