"people should "stick with their own kind" - University of Michigan essay

[A] "We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

^^^^ prompt!!!

read away and critique please. cant exceed 250 words this is 233.
ESSAY!!! :)
no title yet!

It is a common myth that people should "stick with their own kind" because once people "experiment" they will find different cultures do not mix. My parents defied that myth when they married. Of both African-American and Hispanic descent I have experienced mixed cultures.

The myth has some validity because my mom told me one of the reasons for my parents divorce was the conflict of cultures; they were too different. Only eight years old at the time, I thought they looked the same; they had the same color skin. I thought they were both only black (African-American). Later however, my older sister made me see differently; we were in a supermarket when she told me my dad was Hispanic. I told her "No he's not. He's black, he has dark skin." She laughed and told me that just because he looked a little different didn't mean she was wrong. She explained to me his parents were Cuban immigrants and had Cuban ancestry which in return makes me half Cuban, half black.

After my sister opened my mind to this idea of ethnicities, I went to school and understood my friends a little bit more. I saw them differently, knowing they all came from diverse backgrounds, and different countries. I appreciated the richness of their cultures now that I saw past just black and white.

These experiences will allow me to contribute not only a bi-ethnic individual to the diversity of the University of Michigan, but also someone who appreciates everyone's cultures. ...

the ... is b.c. i have no clue how to continue. im totally lost.
any ideas.

It is a common myth that people should "stick with their own kind" because once people experiment they will find different cultures don't mix.

^I do not like that sentence that I highlighted in bold. It is rather, controversial.

My parents defied that myth when they married and when my mom gave birth to her bi-ethnic child-me . Of both African-American and Hispanic descent I know what it is to experience mixed culture.have experienced a mixture of cultures

Maybe the myth has some validity because my parents divorced. Maybe they were too different. Only eight years old at the time, I thought they looked the same; they had the same color skin. I thought they were both only black (African-American). Later, however my older sister helped me see this from a different perspective.made me see differently.

My sister and I were in a supermarket when she told me my dad was Hispanic. I told her "No he's not. He's black, he has dark skin." She laughed and told me that just because he looked a little different didn't mean she was wrong. She explained to me his parents were Cuban immigrants and had Cuban ancestry which in return made memakes me half Cuban, half black.

After I learned a little about myself and the concept of ethnicities from my sister, I understood the importance of mixing them since I was a mix of two different ones. At the University of Michigan I would contribute an open mind about groups of people not sticking to their own kind.

^I think your conclusion needs to be a bit more striking to readers than what you have already posted. How did you suddenly learn the importance of mixing two ethnicities, by just learning about the concept of ethnicities? You say that because you are a mixture, it is important to mix ethnicities? Why do you think this and how can we mix ethnicities? (You should consider addressing this. It would show a better understanding of mixing ethnicities)

Would you not contribute an 'open mind' to those who stick to their own ethnic groups. That suggests that you will knowingly not want to integrate with certain parts of the student body.

Yeah, your conclusion comes up really suddenly. You should start explaining in the middle of your piece how you came to accept and appreciate diversity through your bi-racial background, and by the end this 'idea' should be complete.

I think the first sentence is fine, after all you are saying it is a myth, and indeed it IS a myth that different cultures don't mix. But take the contraction out, for more formal writing: "It is a common myth that people should "stick with their own kind" because once people experiment they will find different cultures do not mix."

I like the convo with your sister, it sets the reader up very nicely for your slow comprehension of diversity.

Your sentence is ambiguous. It could be read as saying that the myth that people should stick with their own kind exists because experiential evidence has shown that different cultures don't mix. You don't mean this, so, revise it to avoid this ambiguity.


This is too shallow. You need to come up with something more detailed, specific, and personal.


Same here. That you would have an open mind is good, but you have to explain how you would use your open-mindedness to benefit the university.

There are an awful lot of reasons couples divorce. Unless conflict rooted in divergent backgrounds was among the chief reasons for the divorce (in which case you should say so), this isn't relevant.

You may, just for yourself, want to do a little reading on race. There's a quite nice anthology called Half and Half: Writers on Growing Up Biracial and Bicultural edited by Claudine C. O'Hearn. I think you would both enjoy and be educated by the stories therein.

As for this essay, it's awfully simplistic. The question of whether groups should "stick with their own kind" is stuck in the sixties. At Michigan, they've moved well beyond that. It's assumed both that overall diversity is beneficial and sometimes people from non-dominant groups want to be only with each other.

I'd like to see you start this essay from scratch. As you did in another essay, share a bit about your own struggles with being biracial and bicultural. Then express excitement (if you feel it) about going to a campus where you will meet lots of different people who are themselves mixed in different ways. Afro-Asian! Algerian and Irish! Japanese and Jewish! Plus, you'll have fellow students who are not biracial or bicultural, but are from very different backgrounds than you. Students from other countries! Students from cities and small towns and rural regions very different from where you grew up! Are you excited by the prospect of being in such a multicultural environment or will you, as you put it here, simply approach it with "an open mind" as if there were something to be skeptical about? If you're excited, show it!

thanks a bunchh for the comments. i will re think, re write and repost.
give me a few days pkease. i still want the feedback though.

o, and n response to simone,
ive spoken to my mom about this months ago, and she has told me that one of the reasons they divorced was because of the different race thing. she felt after being married to my dad, she realized that she would never marry someone of a different nationality again.

true story. me and her debate this alllll the time, but she just feels that for her, she doesnt like it, and she feels that people should stick to their own kind because the cultures dont get along.

just thought id explain this. maybe some ideas will come up?

btw. thanks for that book suggestion, im going to check it out tomorrow :)

hm, could you split it up into paragraphs like it was before? That makes it flow a little better, just in my opinion.

"She explained to me his parents were Cuban immigrants and had Cuban ancestry which in re turn makes me half Cuban, half black."

"These experiences will allow me to contribute not only as a bi-ethnic individual to the diversity of the University of Michigan, but also as someone who appreciates everyone's cultures. ..."

That first part of the concluding sentence works, after "also someone who appreciates..." it gets cliche. If you could think of a unique way to show that you would appreciate different cultures that'd be cool.

And also, I liked the way you mentioned you saw past black and white, because that's quite literally what you began to do after you realized your father was not simply just "black."

Interesting. Couldn't it be the case that sometimes people just want to be with members of their own group, regardless of whether that group is "dominant?" Or is there some valid psychological reason why the instinct to stay with one's own should arise only within members of non-dominant groups? Or do you mean that all people occasionally want to hang out only with people they identify as members of their own group, but that only non-dominant groups should be permitted to do this? But, then, if they have rights that other groups don't, doesn't that give them a form of dominance? Has Michigan moved beyond this issue, or merely mastered enough doublethink not to worry about it?


This is still ambiguously phrased.

Your essay runs into trouble because what you need to write is an essay praising mulitculturalism (or at least implicitly accepting the notion that multiculturalism is good). That is, diversity is good, everyone should mix, best way to learn and be open-minded, etc, etc. But, you start off admitting that you don't really believe that. Your opening sentence can be read as saying that real world experience shows that it isn't true, and you then go on to state directly that you at least partially believe that people should probably stick to their own kind because of what you witnessed in your parents divorce. Possibly you mean this, and possibly you really don't think all that much of multiculturalism. At the same time, you clearly know that that has nothing to do with what you are expected to write, because you try to turn it into a "I learned to appreciate diversity" essay half-way through. But, your anecdote doesn't work. Learning that your parents were considered part of two different ethnicities must have been the beginning, not the end, of your suspicion that this difference was responsible for the tension between them.

So, I'd suggest starting over. You don't need to discuss your views on multiculturalism and diversity at all. You're biracial. You're a living, breathing monument to diversity. As such, you would contribute to the diversity of the university by bringing experience and knowledge of two minority cultures to it. That's all you have to talk about.

People from groups that continue to face discrimination and exploitation draw solace and vital support from communion with one another and sometimes only feel safe enough to fully relax among one another.

OKAY!!!
i think i may have finally gotten it, or came semi close to it.
its even all i want to say and just reaches the work limit at 242 words lol.

When I was younger, about eight, I had a closed mind. I thought all lighter skinned people were white, and all darker skinned people were black. This "theory" of mine is why I thought my parents were exactly the same. I thought they were both only black (African-American); they had the same dark skin. Later however, my older sister made me see differently.

you guys suggested i start from scratch. well i did!! like you said, i dont/shouldnt need to make controversy. whats the point?

We were in a supermarket when she told me my dad was Hispanic. I told her "No he's not. He's black, he has dark skin." She laughed and told me that just because he looked a little different didn't mean she was wrong. She explained to me his parents were Cuban immigrants and had Cuban ancestry which in return makes me half Cuban, half black.

most of you guys like the story so i kept it.

After my sister opened my mind to this idea of ethnicities, I went to school and understood my friends a little bit more. I saw them differently, now knowing they came from diverse backgrounds and different countries. Now open minded, I asked questions about my friends' cultures; they were my teachers. Finally, I saw past just black and white.

someone said i should put a story in there. heres the story. hope its good enuff!

These experiences will allow me to contribute a bi-ethnic individual to the diversity of the University of Michigan. It will be my turn to take on the teacher role, as I will give my knowledge of two different cultures. But I will also still be eager to be a student-learning from new, exciting people.

my ending. i think it connects back to the rest. i mean i think it does happen fast, but its only 250 essay, what do they expect?! lol :P

suggestions? comments? thoughts?

Much better. It would be nice if you could give specific examples of the questions you asked your friends and what you learned from their responses, but I don't see how you could fit them in, given the word count.

When I was younger, about eight, I had a closed mind. I thought all lighter skinned people were white, and all darker skinned people were black.

^I guess this is a closed mind. All Asians, from Indians to Chinese, are black.

This "theory" of mine is why I thought my parents were exactly the same. I thought they were both only black (African-American); they had the same dark skin. Later however, my older sister made me see differently.

We were in a supermarket when she told me my dad was Hispanic. I told her "No he's not. He's black, he has dark skin." She laughed and told me that just because he looked a little different didn't mean she was wrong.

^But that does not mean she is right either. Rephrase it. My suggestion is
She laughed at my narrow minded view.
^That also ties in with your next sentence.

She explained to me thathis parents were Cuban immigrants and had Cuban ancestry [s my father is Cuban,which in return makes me half Cuban, half black. which therefore makes me half Cuban, half black

After my sister opened my mindhad introduced me to this idea of ethnicitiesthat ethnicity exists , I went to school and understood my friends a little bit more. I saw them differently, now knowing they came from diverse backgroundsand different countries and could not just be categorized as either black or white.

*Diverse is just such a broad word.

Now open minded, I asked questions about my friends' cultures; they were my teachers. Finally, I saw past just black and white.

I no longer have that childish view in which people can be categorized into two colors. Instead, I enjoy, and want to learn, more about my friend's cultures so that 'insert something meaninful here'

I hope you like my revisions.

-liebe
okay, and i guess i still am closed minded. i thought even the chinese were "white" i didnt know they were considered black. i mean obviously indians are "black" but wow. thanks for teaching me!

next:

i am learning that more and more, diverse is a broad word (i think you actually told me htat in one of my essays you tore apart)

but anyways...

apart from my LIFE LESSONS and onto my ESSAY lol

so i combined the ideas of you and sean. with the revisions you made, i was able to stay within the word count, while adding in one of the questions i asked.

i think ive made a pretty decent short answer essay. (its probably because ive had so much time away from essay writingg, so now i can get back to this again grrr lol)

butt yea it was hard to say what i learnd from their responses i must admit so i just sorta left it at the question. >.<

thanks a lot!! i noticed i had lots of unnessesary s*it in there lol

^Ahh right, I thought that you considered Chinese black. Your means of categorizations were quite vague in the opening paragraph, so I did not know what to assume. You give off the impression that you only identified whites and blacks. I did not know how you would classify all the colors that are in between black and white, for example, Indians and Chinese. I thought since these races do not tend to be white as such, you would have thought they were black?

In regards to teaching you, it is no problem my young padawan. Thou arest learning the ways.


Ya, I probably did in your UChicago essay.

i mean yeaa, okayy how can i say this without being offensiveee....
okay i go to school with like 62% azns so here goes lol

well i know that chinese have that whole yellow thing going so i thought they were like white. simple as that. butt that makes sense. theyre not as white as such so yeaa. ttly makes sense how u put it.

the whole race/nationality thing sucks. it rly does.
its like, noone is really biracial. everyone is really biethnic. (unless ur mulatto) O WELLS

and yes. uchicago essay :P

Well thats the hard part Talia. You decided to go for a topic that if misunderstood, can be very controversial and work against your favor.


^I guess.

^^ word xD
then admission people will say "rejecteddddd" :P

Not in the United States! People in Britain refer to people of Asian descent as Black. In the United States, "Black" is reserved for people of African descent, whether African American, African, Afro-Caribbean, Afro-Cuban, etc. People of Asian descent are called Asian or Asian American, depending on where they were born. Collectively, Black, Latino, Asian, and Native American people are called "people of color." Someone may, of course, be both Black and Hispanic/Latino, as many people of African descent live in Latin American countries due to the history of slavery there.

WOW! how do u guys know all of this stuff.
i go to a pretty actually VERY good school in new york (specialized school) and they dont tell us these things.

I'm undoubtedly more than twice your age and have spent much of my life in academia. At most universities these days, in recognition of the fact that many students don't have the language with which to discuss the diversity they encounter on campus, that kind of information is covered during orientation or in one or another 101 level course.

^^ omg ur so write!! i bet my hispanic friends (the mexican ones and puertiricans) would be so shocked to hear their rly "black" (race wise i mean) lol. :p

No, I said that Hispanic people can be Black too; not that they all are. Hispanic people are from Latin American countries. Indigenous people, called either Indians or Native Americans, lived there first. Then came Europeans, from Spain (hence "Hispanic" and hence why many people prefer Latino), with their slaves, from Africa. Much intermingling and intermarrying ensued. Some people in Latin America are quite light, being of entirely or almost entirely European descent. Others are quite dark, being of entirely of almost entirely African descent. Some are quite clearly indigenous, being of entirely or almost entirely indigenous descent. Most are mixed. Hence, Hispanic/Latino is an ethnicity, not a racial category.

Race works differently in each country. That's why we call race a "social construct" -- it's not biological at all. In colonial Brazil, for example, one could buy a "certificate of whiteness" even if one was wholly of African descent. In the United States, the "one drop rule" held that even a drop of African blood made you "Negro." The Irish were not initially considered white, but became so. In a famous court case, a man from Lebanon sued to be considered white and won, which is why the government considers Semitic people (Arabs and Jews) white even though most racist groups consider them non-white.

It's such prejudice, mostly, that leads even very light Latino people to affiliate as people of color once they get to the United States. People who would be considered white in Argentina or Colombia often face racial prejudice here.

right, but i thought that ple from argentina and columbia were considered whitee >.<

yeaaa i completely understand that race is like black and white and then ethnicity is like: hispanic, african american, greek, korean...

of course, not all hispanics are like black and not all are white. i ttly understand this. i remember in my spanish class my friends and i discussed this...

its all so confusingg lol

^Hey Simone. When I said that, I was not making a statement based on my own opinion. I was making a statement, based on what I understood was tal105's point of view as a child. I am farely aware that the word 'black' is reserved for people of African descent. Tal105 earlier in her essay had said that when she was a child,she only saw people who were white or black. So in turn, I was commenting that this view really is a closed mind if she even saw Indians (as in from the subcontinent) and Chinese as black people. Although it may not look like it, lol, I was actually questioning this view.


^Would that not be more due to ethnicity rather than skin color?


^Well, the skin colors of 'brown' and 'yellow' are also used to describe people. I think this is more of a colloquial reference however. The point is, that people nowadays are not just 'black' or 'white', and I doubt that there ever was a time when people where categorized into only two skin colors. People can even be 'brown' or 'yellow', both of which are different colors with a different set of histories. The history of these ethnic groups is also partly responsible for the color of their respective pigmentation.