My performance as a DJ. Common App: prompt about failure

Common App: prompt about failure

DJ performance

What are your thoughts about the content, style etc.? If there are mistakes regarding grammar and punctuation, please let me know as well. Enjoy :)

The intro starts to play. It's time to get on the stage. The whole tent is dark and I carefully try to crawl my way through the cables and empty beer cups with my headphone around my neck. While most people view DJing as an iPod shuffle or a sweaty guy pushing buttons, I feel differently: I will be taking responsibility of 400 people's happiness and experience at this festival.

I take a deep breath and when the intro ends, I start my first track. People are jumping and shouting, the spots are moving and the energy is bouncing off the walls. Everything is going exactly as planned and everybody is having a great time. But suddenly - it all stops. No lights; no music; nothing is playing anymore. The crowd thinks it's part of the show, but then a second later, they begin shuffling and coughing, asking each other what is going on. I can almost feel the energy drain from the room and when I look behind me I see my friend giving me an empty stare. What now?

I think back to three years ago, late December. My dad came home from a long day at work and I could see that something was wrong. He told me that managing his business was becoming too hard financially and mentally. I'd never seen my dad that upset and I never thought that he would think about quitting someday. I asked him: "what would your students do if you quit?" He sighed. "I don't know... You're right." He realized that the community, the people- his clients kept him going. His work resulted in many people feeling safer and the gratitude that he received for that was worth the hard work. This made me realize that the solution was in the audience.

I climb up on a speaker pole and I do something I never expected to do. I wave to get everyone's attention and address the audience:

"We are going to do something special. I am going to divide the crowd into two camps and you are all going to sing along with me. The side that sings the hardest wins!."

I start to sing 'Don't you worry child', but nothing happens. Then one second later An overload of decibels overwhelms me giving me the best near-deaf experience one could ever imagine. Everyone is singing along. The embarrassment fades away and I start feeling like I can handle everything. I point to one half of the audience: euphonious sound. I point to the other and before I know it, the whole audience is singing in unison. During our collective acapella moment, the electricity turns back on and my friend quickly runs towards the mixer to start the song we were singing, but the volume of the crowd surpasses the speakers. It is magical how everyone is singing with full commitment, completely determined to be the loudest side.

I turn off my last track to end my set, but instead of leaving the stage, I keep looking at the audience for another minute. Their cheering and applauding almost makes me forget what happened. I crawl my way back and nearly stumble over a cable that I didn't see out of pure excitement. This was the best hour of my entire life. It made me realize that even if things don't go the way you want them to, trying to make the best out of it will always be rewarded.

As a DJ, as corny as it may sound, It is my goal to make my set an hour that everybody will remember. And now, whenever I need to play a set, singing acapella with the audience is always a part of my performance.

Hi Tim, provide the full essay prompt. I know the prompt is about the lesson you learnt from failure (common app) but you have to provide the full prompt so everyone here on EF will know what they are reviewing

@TVLAERE

Hi there, your essay seems really well crafted. As a reader, I had difficulty with your sudden transition in the fourth paragraph. You start with a particular event concerning your father, while we, the readers are wondering what happened up there on the stage? Why suddenly everything stopped? Was there a technical error? Or was it a mistake you made?

Then in the fifth paragraph, when you come back to the present situation, you offer no explanation whatsoever about what actually happened.
I believe that this will leave the Admissions Officers confused as it does not convey the full picture.

My suggestion is to add just one or two lines in the third paragraph explaining why the music failed to play. Then explain in the fifth paragraph that you decided to approach this problem in a different way, and instead of panicking, you proceeded to take control of the crowd etc.

I hope this helps. Best of Luck.

Hello,
I think you are off to a great start. Your essay is very compelling and moving. I just have a few tips for you to improve.

The biggest thing I noticed was tense. You need to speak in past tense when you are talking about the past. For example: "I climb up on a speaker pole and I do something I never expected to do. I wave to get everyone's attention and address the audience", climb is in present tense, do is in present tense, expected is in past tense, wave is in present tense, and address is in present tense. However, you are talking about a past event, so the sentence should read "I climbed up on a speaker pole and I did something I never expected to do. I waved to get everyone's attention and addressed the audience".

Another part that is a little confusing is when you flashback to talking with your dad about his work. Maybe say something like "This made me think about a time with my dad..." just to keep it clear and help the flow.

Finally, the ending could be more powerful. I think you could focus on the idea that when things don't go as planned you can always make the best out of the situation. The part about making everyone enjoy your set is good, but I think the other idea is a better way to end.

Hope this helps! Good luck.

@TVLAERE

Hi, your essay has a great hook and is quite well thought-out. I have some small suggestions about the structuring- the 'eureka' moment that the memory of your father's struggles gave you could be highlighted so that the readers understand how that moment turned everything around for you. I would suggest bringing that sentence "This made me realize that the solution was in the audience" be moved down from the paragraph- and if you want, rewrite it to add greater emphasis.

Tim, I do not believe that this story is the proper response to the prompt. This type of scenario is best applicable to either prompt 1 or 4. Prompt 1 indicates:

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

While prompt 4 dictates:

Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma - anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

There is no real failure to speak of in your essay was beyond your control. There is nothing that you could have done to prevent a blackout. Therefore, the failure was not on your part but it was a failure on the part of the concert producer. He is the one who did not prepare for such an event. That is why the failure us his and not yours. That said, and using the aforementioned prompts as evidence of the non-relevance of your response to the prompt, I would like to suggest that you develop a totally new, more applicable prompt response instead.

The correct response should indicate failure on your part in an activity where you lost control of a situation and failed to respond or make adjustments to the scenario that unfolded. Which resulted in the failure happening. That is where there is a lesson to be learned on your part. In this case, there is no lesson learned based upon the mistakes of your actions. So it doesn't work in line with the prompt requirements.

... and I quickly rans towards the mixer ...

No lights; no music; nothing is playing anymore
I think that using a comma instead will better serve the purpose here. No other punctuation and grammar issues I can find.
The content is pretty good! But are you sure you're answering this prompt? I think this was a huge success for you, not a failure. Maybe try to find another prompt to suit this essay?

Definitely go for prompt number 4. That way you get to use the whole essay without the need to revise it. If you want to make any changes to it, then I would like you to consider removing the experience of your father in a similar situation. I don't think it is necessary because you really developed a unique way of solving the problem you were faced with. If you want to add information, then add some comments about how the concert producer was unprepared for a blackout and had no idea what to do when the crowd became restless. That way, you seem very heroic, smart, and quick witted when you talk about how you divided the crowd for an impromptu performance. Those changes could probably make the essay even better because the full focus of the discussion is around you and your abilities.

@Holt
Your advice is awesome, thank you. If I change prompts however, doesn't it require another way to end the essay?

I was thinking that you could just change the term mistake with "problem" and solve the issue. The closing statement that you have related still applies with a simple word change. However, if you wish to change the closing paragraph, then go ahead and do so. Don't be afraid to play around with the essay until you get it to the point where you feel finally satisfied with your work. My opinion is that the word change should be sufficient enough. However, if you have some ideas as to how to improve your essay, I am going to be here to make sure that you get the guidance that you need in finalizing the content. Either way, it is important that the essay reflect the message that you want to deliver to the reviewer. We won't rest until you get the essay that you want.