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'the positive aspects of living in Paris' - Intellectual vitality essay



clairem 3 / 3  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. 2000 character limit

When I was twelve, my family relocated to Paris for my father's job. My first reaction was one of anger and resentment for my parents who were making me leave behind my friends, my house, my home. As soon as we arrived, I was determined not to like Paris. My school made that pretty easy for me. The people, even the teachers, were so rude compared to what I was used to. I even got in trouble for not saying "Bonjour, Madame" to a teacher that I passed by in the hallway (Even though I smiled at her). Everything was so different, I was not used to being treated in this way; if you aren't following or need help, you won't get it- you have to figure it out yourself. And don't even get me started on the school bathrooms.

Slowly, however, I began seeing the positive aspects of living in Paris. Obviously, it's culturally rich, but on a personal level, it was formative for me. I grew up. Concretely, I learned to be more independent, taking the metro on my own and not needing to rely on my parents for every little thing. But more than that, I developed intellectually as I had to learn to adapt and, as the French system required, fend for myself. I learned that there wasn't always going to be someone there to help me every step of the way. As a result, I have come out of this experience a more accepting, independent and strong person.

Today, I attend a French school so it is the same, yet I have gotten used to it, and I use it to my advantage rather than let it hinder me. I actually appreciate the way it encourages the autonomy it requires to succeed because I know that this skill will come in handy in my future endeavors.

As I look back on the two years I spent in the city of light, I am grateful for this opportunity for intellectual development I was given. I would make a great Stanford student as my intellectual vitality comes from the power that I possess to overcome difficult or unfamiliar experiences and challenges.

please give me feedback and i will give you feedback on your essays as well! thanks

julia22rose 1 / 3  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
I think that your introduction could be better, perhaps leave it off for a minute before talking about the move? Make it a bit more interesting, i think that it seems cliché to talk about how you had to leave your " My first reaction was one of anger and resentment for my parents who were making me leave behind my friends, my house, my home." behind...

I like your details about the bathrooms and not saying Madame even though you smiled. i think you should include more of these anecdotal points because they really make your essay more personal.

Could you relate a bit more about how your experience will make you better at Stanford? That might make it stronger.
overall, I think it's well done. Just make it more about you.
Akma 1 / 2  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
"Rampant consumerism (seeking material goods without the ability to afford them) is one of the main causes for the current global economic crisis. Restraining consumerism remains a key task for developed countries like the US and Western Europe." What are your views?
Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 27, 2011   #4
i think of 'intellectual' as a very strong word...the way you began the essay..and I was expecting a very strong conclusion....

I possess to overcome difficult or unfamiliar experiences and challenges.

, show the agony and misery you felt so to make the passage quoted look convincing...

please, if you can, go through my common app essay


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