'Practical and abstract reasons' - finding direction on Common app transfer essay.

Hi everyone,

I am having some trouble with the Common App transfer essay. Currently, I feel like I have good ideas in each paragraph, but overall, the essay lacks direction, and cohesion. The prompt is basically "tell us why you want to transfer and what objectives you hope to achieve". Keep in mind, this is by no means a complete essay, right now it's just a random assortment of ideas. If anybody can help me develop a clearer direction with this essay, it would be greatly appreciated.

Here is what I've got this far:

"You have a goal, and the ability to achieve it. Now all that's left is for you to go out, and make it reality". While simple, my father's words resonated as an almost surprising revelation of things to come. It was an exciting realization that success, as long as I was willing to work for it, was well within my grasp. The last three years have been full of challenges, and those challenges have forged in me the truest sense of self confidence one can have.

Looking back on my first foray into college level academia, I am astounded by both my bright-eyed idealism, and my blind naivetï. I lacked a clearly defined goal, and the drive and direction necessary to achieve that objective. The ultimate goal of attending law school that I had set for myself didn't seem tangible or real, and thus, I found it difficult to work towards. However, as I progressed through my education, through the trials, and through the tests of will, I realized that I was the only person capable of bringing my dreams to fruition. Truly, it is through this realization, that I have deemed it necessary for me to transfer into a four year university.

There are many reasons, ranging from practical to more abstract, that have influenced my decision to pursue transferring from my current, two year institution. The Tarrant County College system has provided me with a financially accessible education that has equipped me to excel in a variety of intellectual environments. However, TCC is only capable of educating me to a certain point, a point, which I have reached. With my future plans including attending law school, I must earn a degree from a four year institution. Thus, my decision to transfer is as much one of necessity as it is one of desire.

While transferring to a four year university is indeed a step of exigence, it is the less practical advantages that I find most compelling. I eagerly await the sense of community and camaraderie that I will experience with my peers in my intended major, philosophy. Furthermore, the dynamic, varied atmosphere of a four year university is one that I feel is most conducive to learning.

It is with an unshakable resolve, and with my fathers adage still firmly secured in my mind that I set out to make my goals reality. The last three years have been full of change; changes in my life, changes in my goals, indeed, changes in my very self. However, In spite of these changes, and in many ways because of them, I have developed the conviction, heart, and perseverance necessary to achieve what I have set out to.

However, In spite of these changes, and in many ways because of them, I have developed the conviction, heart, and perseverance necessary to achieve what I have set out to.

Work on the final sentence, it should not end in the word "to"

When I read this, i kinda think, "get to the point" I love everything you wrote but I feel like you should stay on topic. Keep it solid, clear, and concise. State your goals, long term and short term goals. Then explain the basis of your education so far, and your desire to transfer, then explain what you intend to study, then state how your education will help you achieve your goals. Keep the stuff that makes it personal, like the quote from your Dad. Good luck in school!

Thanks for the suggestions, Jenny.

As of now, I'm feeling like the weakness of this essay is really going to hurt my application. Am I just letting my anxiousness get the better of me?

No need to feel anxious, my friend :) You have done well. You are a good writer. The best thing you can do is clearly state exactly what the admissions officials want to know. They want to know what your short term and long term goals are. They want to hear a little about your education so far. They want to know what interests you about the career path you have chosen. Then, explain how the college degree will be a stepping stone on the way to your goals. tell them how the skills and education you receive in school will help you gain success in life. Keep it simple and clear. You can do this! It will be ok. If you update your essay, post it on here and there are many people who can help you edit it :)

You have done well. The best thing you can do is clearly state exactly what the admissions officials want to know. Make it clear about your goals. Otherwise okay.