Practical Application of theory; UPENN/ ENGAGE ACADEMICALLY

My primary goal at UPenn is to get practical with my work. Given my resources and equipment, I cannot say I have exactly had a chance. Drawing a machine on paper is one thing but spanning it into physical space is something completely different. That is just what I plan to do. From the very beginning I have watched student after student being awarded with one prize or another on creating things such as an ingenious transformer robot or flying saucer. Now my time has come. Places like the Melvin J. and Clair Levine Hall and Skirkanich Hall filled with square foot after square foot of engineering excitement, are just what I need to get a head start in discovering more about my passion that is engineering. I have also found the Hayden Hall and Laboratory of Research on the Structure of Matter very appealing. Working with things such as complex organic compounds and formulas has always fascinated me. The things that lie behind the countless chemical reactions that take place in our body. Thus I wish to learn and explore more about them. Other than this, I have a mad love for astronomy. I have been wanting to fathom the marvels of our universe since 6th grade(the last year we had with solar systems) and other than the Discovery channel.

UltimateIy I plan to take full advantage of UPenn's renowned faculty and resources as I work alongside my engineering companions. As I spend my time here, I hope I can turn my lack of clarity in my future career into a definitive path as I pursue my interests and goals.

Good essay. Flows in the beginning but its starts to get choppy after "I have also found the Hayden Hall..." Vary your sentence structure. Also do not use other than this. I dont think that astronomy part fits well. I think you should leave that out and expand on the what you wish to do as an engineer. Also dont like "lack of clarity" which could imply lack of understanding or intelligence. Overall I think the beginning is excellent, but you start to fuse out at the end. Try revising that part.

Help me with Why Columbia?

I think that it is a good essay but it may be a little one dimensional. I think that it would behoove you to discuss how you will cross disciplines and show how that too will also be practical. Like how could a visual art class or a theater class be practical for your education as well.

HERE'S THE EDITED VERSION ...PLS LEME KNOW UR FEEDBACK

My primary goal at UPenn is to get practical with my work. Given my resources and equipment, I cannot say I have exactly had a chance. Drawing a machine on paper is one thing but spanning it into physical space is something completely different. That is just what I plan to do. From the very beginning I have watched student after student being awarded with one prize or another on creating things such as an ingenious transformer robot or flying saucer. Now my time has come. Places like the Melvin J. and Clair Levine Hall and Skirkanich Hall filled with square foot after square foot of engineering excitement, are just what I need to get a head start in discovering more about my passion that is engineering. Apart from this, working with things such as complex organic compounds and formulas has always fascinated me. The things that lie behind the countless chemical reactions that take place in our body. Thus I wish to learn and explore more about them which is one of the reasons the Laboratory of Research on the Structure of Matter sounds just as appealing. I believe an education at UPenn can allow me to expand and gain my knowledge on these interests and many more as I progress and fathom the marvels of the universe around me.

UltimateIy I plan to take full advantage of UPenn's renowned faculty and resources as I work alongside my engineering companions and peers. By spending time here, I hope to prepare myself for the road ahead that is to come and be successful in my journey. Furthermore, all those years watching things like Michio Kaku's Physics of the Impossible on Discovery or YouTube videos on the tallest structures on Earth would finally pay off.

Sounds better! Don't use things in the last sentence though.

Thanks

Ive got a stanford supplement coming up..ill appreciate if you can review tht