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This prestigious university Texas A&M will put me in the best position possible to reach my goals

Dec 3, 2017   #1
Describe your career and academic goals in the broad field of engineering. What and/or has influenced you either inside/ outside the classroom that contributed to these goals? ---- I would like some feedback on this essay.


engineering admission essay

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, computer science careers are projected to grow 12 percent through 2024. This is because technology is often evolving therefore generating more tech-related jobs. As a child I thoroughly enjoyed exploring technological gadgets such as iPhones, iPads, Macs, etc.. My brother, who will graduate this upcoming summer with a bachelor's degree in computer science, played a vital role in influencing me to pursue a career in the field of engineering, which includes computer science; as a result, I now plan to acquire a bachelor's degree at Texas A&M university and then apply for an entry-level job as a game developer.

Throughout my childhood years, I frequently found myself exploring different types of computer modifications which could then be applied to video games. My brother and I spent much time together modifying several computer games. One day, it came to my mind how these specific mods were produced. After many days of researching, I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to be able to modify certain video game software, then I must possess superior computer programming skills. My brother, who was a high school senior at the time, laboriously became involved in learning certain computer programming languages, such as Java. Learning different languages of code with my brother was such a memorable, indelible experience for me. It was that day when I realized that I wanted to become a computer scientist. I strongly believe that a career in computer science will open up many doors for me, such as being able to work as a game developer, web developer, or cyber security engineer. I acknowledge that this specific career can be quite difficult, but I also acknowledge that this rewarding career will provide me with much satisfaction. I have no doubt in my mind that obtaining a bachelor's degree in computer science from a prestigious university like Texas A&M will put me in the best position possible to reach my goals.
Holt [Contributor] 1530  
Dec 4, 2017   #2
Mario, the response that you gave is not really impressive nor complete. The first paragraph contains irrelevant information from the Bureau of Labor and Statistics. Try not to use the term "child" throughout the essay because a child does not have the ability to consider a permanent career goal yet. You may want to use another term such as teenager, young adult, youth, among others. You make the introduction very trivial sounding. You only enjoyed the gadgets, so there is no real interest projected that would strengthen the claim of career and academic goals from the start. If you start the essay instead with a question about the gadgets, then introduce how your brother influence you to discover the answers along with him, you can immediately introduce his strong influence on your course choice. The academic and career goals though are a problem in this essay. Neither is clearly defined. Try to write one paragraph for each topic so that the reviewer will get a better idea of your academic goals beyond the influence of your brother and computer coding games that you played. Show a clear development of your coding interests in relation to a specific, instead of numerous, career paths. You have to pick one career to discuss, even if it means you will eventually change your major. The reviewer just needs to see that you are serious about pursuing your degree in this field and that is the best way to do it.

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