Princeton essay: fear of death

i need a lot of help on this essay
do i need to rewrite this maybe?

Option 3 -
''Some questions cannot be answered./ They become familiar weights in the hand,/ Round stones pulled from the pocket, unyielding and cool.''1
- Jane Hirshfield, poet, Princeton Class of 1973

Almost everyone has a touchy subject that burns their heart when mentioned. For me, that subject was death. When I thought about it, terror would struck me and keep my heart pounding like a hammer on a stubborn nail; hard enough that I could feel it from my chest to the tips of my fingers and toes.

Perhaps what scared me the most about death was the uncertainty it carries. After a hard day at school, I love sitting with my family at the dinner table eating mom's home made cooking, and laughing about a joke from school retold. But what if moments like this is gone forever in a matter of seconds during a car crash? six years ago, I had my first and only car accident. It was a bright sunny day when nothing bad was expected to happen. Then the car suddenly shook from an impact, sending a powerful serge of pain down my back. After the violent shaking stopped, I looked over my shoulders and saw my brother half unconscious. I looked at the driver's seat and saw that my mother had her head down. That was the first time I thought about dying and losing someone dear to me. Fortunately, no one was badly hurt in that accident. But what if?

Why do people have to die? Where do they go afterwards? Such questions began to cascade into my head one after another. No matter how hard I reasoned, I can't seem to concoct a logical answer. I gathered enough courage to ask a few people for their opinions, but no one could give me a satisfying response. These questions became constant scratches on the head and "familiar weights in the hand, round stones pulled from the pocket, unyielding and cool."

As I got older and experienced life a little bit more, my fear caught my dad's attention. From him I learned that process is more important than the ultimate fate when we think about life and death. We all die eventually, but how do we live when we are alive? I slowly realized that death is a question that cannot be and probably will not be answered. Perhaps it is not even meant to be answered. Rather than looking at death as a ponderous burden, I realized that life, the greatest gift of all, should be placed in the centerfold.

Why should we wait for our inevitable fate when we could live with great passion? Knowing that the precious moments could be lost makes me treasure and enjoy them to the fullest. I try everything that life has to offer and do my best every day so that I can live to the full extent and without regret.

OMG this essay, I ended up doing my own quote, but I had lots of trouble with it. this was the one i chose at first but ended up ditching because I made myself look too dumb. what i realized about this prompt is either something that is entirely unanswerable, such as death, meaning of life, right, wrong, etc...about how these questions keep us thinking, that they are constant reminders to us. so i guess you did answer the prompt, better than i did at least.


use a period to separate the sentences. need a comma b/n cold and terrifying
I thought , since I
twistingspinning? quarters ...is brokenbreaks


this should be the focus of your essay maybe, I'm not sure if it is, but this addresses the question.
the more I think about it...., the more this desire...[either use <that, or rephrase to use exponentially]
the way you use the quote doesn't fit the parallel of the sentence there. usage otherwise is fine.

I don't understand your last sentence. fix?

Comments: you do address the prompt well, but the part about leaving the question about death, after saying that it "haunted" you, is rather off. just noticed you didn't write out the entire prompt. it's supposed to be something like : use the following excerpt as a jumping off point for something...

Good luck with your app!

Its up to you, but I just wanted to mention that in this book I read about writing college essays, you shouldn't go into your religious or political views unless you are applying to a religious school or as a theology major.

Your essay topic was good for the question asked. I'm pretty sure the quote is talking about unanswerable questions that we carry with us (like a burden). No matter how we wear away the question in our mind, the answer is still evasive. You have related it pretty well, but I would rework it a bit. Still, good job on such a difficult prompt!

Hope this helps! If you get the chance, I would really appreciate it if you could check out my essay.