Quashing rumors of women's colleges

Essay prompt: What about Scripps College has inspired you to apply? (200 words)

Rumor has it that women's colleges only have three types of students: arty girls, die-hard feminists, and of course, lesbians. Hardly can be categorized as any, attending unisex schools has never been an option for me until last spring, an unscheduled visit upturned my distaste into infatuation.

Scripps revealed the true worth of a women's college for me, notably the nurturing, driving and empowering environment, which makes it a natural extension of my IB experience. Novel programs of Humanities Institutes and resources within Claremont colleges will enable me to explore varied aspects of humanity, while devoted faculties like professor Groscup with expertise in both psychology and laws will empower me to pursue my passion for their intersections. With the wide-accessible leadership opportunities and encouraging atmosphere, I see my future wider and wilder than ever.

Walking further with bustles faded behind, I imagined myself heading back to Scripps from media courses at Pitzer, exhausted. As an international student who traveled across the Pacific for dream and belief, when I see the lights of Clark Hall at the end of the day, it feels home.

Few hours on campus, I met Scripps girls of all kinds, distinctively different. Yet, with the boundless curiosity, impetus to achieve, and sense of belongingness, they are intrinsically the same. Value and share the exact traits, I'd love love nothing more than quashing the rumor together with them at Scripps.

(235 words)

Hi guys im kinda new around here. This is my why essay for scripps. Suggestions on grammars, structurer, general comments, any thing will help. (Need a lot help to trim down the length tho)

Thank you so much and I'd love to return the favor!
Merry Christmas everyone!!

I commend you for your specificity and personality in the essay :)

however the order doesn't seem to make sense to me as you jumped to yourself and back to the school.

for the conclusion you might want to connect yourself more with the school and its program :)

I see what you're doing here (I did the same for one of my essays) but I think without an actual indication of tense shift, its just an awkward jump. You need a good segue. It would even be better if you made everything present tense.

"Novel programs of [the] Humanities Institutes and resources within Claremont colleges [are enabling] me to explore varied aspects of humanity, while devoted [faculty members] like professor Groscup with expertise in both psychology and law [are] empowering me to pursue my passion. With the wide-accessible leadership opportunities and encouraging atmosphere, I [am seeing] my future wider and wilder than ever."

And like the person above said, you might want to switch the order around, the jumps are a bit awkward. Also, what does "for their intersections" mean? Sounds a little awkward.

Overall, this is a pretty specific essay with a well constructed topic. I think you may need to work on structure.
Regardless, this is just an opinion. Go with what you like.

I agree that the essay is quite confusing at times. If you are trying to quash rumors about women's colleges, as your title states, you are not doing a very good job at it because your essay does not discuss how any of the prejudice has helped guide you towards Scripps. Where is the real reason that you are enticed to apply at Scripps? How do these unrelated events add up to make Scripps your college of choice? Your entire essay is simply too disconnected in topic and content to be of real use in responding to this prompt. I believe a full rewrite is in order. Try to write the essay from a different point of view or at least develop the quashing rumors aspect of your response in a better and more revealing manner.

Thank you, all of you! The comments have been really helpful!
I actually noticed that there are many problems with the essay structure and the points are rather disconnected, but I'm having a hard time to find ways to fix it, and that's why I posted it here.


rtan05, any suggestions on how should reorder this essay? Should I place what I experienced at the campus at top and then extended to my researches in to their academic programs?


Really? I'm glad that we are thinking in the same way! I'd love to read that essay! :)
Thank you for the revisions, by the "intersections" I mean the interdisciplinary studies between law and psychology, because I have strong interests for them both, and I want to further investigate how they interact with each other.

Thank you so much for your comments! "quashing rumors" is actually not my title, I figured that if I opened the essay with a sentence I probably should end it in a similar way.

So basically what I was trying to do here is to say that I never thought about going to a women's college before because of prejudices, but after the visit to I see the positive sides of it, and find Scripps worth traveling across the Pacific for.

Then I explained the reasons why it attracts me:
- education philosophy (core curriculum) fits my previous studies
- faculty resources and academic opportunities - encourage varies interests and interdisciplinary studies
- nurturing and supportive environment for leadership
- I feel belonged in the campus
At the end I talked about the student body, they quashed the rumor for me. And the qualities I share with the student body(boundless curiosity, impetus to achieve, and sense of belongingness) make me want to officially come one of the Scrippers, and quashing the rumor for others too.

This idea sounded good to me at the first, but may be because the way I put it here, the essay turns out to be quite confusing. I'll rewrite another version and post it in this thread, hope you can take a look at it and tell me what you think.

I did that with my UChicago essay. I wrote my essay in epistles. There were 10 entries, the first 9 were here at home, before I went to Uchicago, and the last one I wrote as if I were admitted to UChicago and it was the Freshman move in day.