This is my UC Essay for Prompt 1. Please let me know if there are any grammar mistakes or if this doesn't properly answer the prompt!
Thanks :)
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
More than a decade ago my world turned upside down when my doctor had placed the wrong size tubes in my eardrums during the surgery, leaving permanent holes in my eardrums. The ramifications were monumental. I have to wear earplugs in/into/during every shower. I can only watch others at swimming parties. While the shadow of one careless mistake has continued to pop up in my life, it has helped me to understand the values of being responsible and meticulous, and how they could impact a person's life. Not only have I upheld these values but also I have vowed to help and make positive changes on others in every opportunity.
Growing up with the importance of my upheld values, I have been trying to do all that is expected of me and beyond. I started off small to achieve my dreams of helping and changing people. I volunteered at Disability Rights California to carefully review arguments for the protection of her disabled clients' rights. With my key values in mind, I helped the attorney with people with developmental disabilities by assisting her in the preparation of various training sessions that defended their privileges and civil liberties.
I continued to apply my/these values throughout my high school career. As the founder of Global Concerns club and the treasurer of American Red Cross, I meticulously researched real world issues and directed fundraising drives. I helped to raise and donate thousands of dollars to charities such as Tabitha Organization and DevelopAfrica. Money raised was used to build a well in a neighborhood of Cambodia, where people had no other source to clean water. Donations also helped typhoon victims in Taiwan and students in Africa. With the aspirations from my childhood, I felt my dreams to benefit others were well fulfilled in real life during my above leadership positions.
I reinforced my values as my experience grows. My dream values about responsibility and meticulousness are fully reflected in my recent summer intern job at Amritt Ventures. I was asked to research on doing business in China and to create a report which would affect the strategy of the company's advisory service in that aspect. It was all new to me and I was overwhelmed by the scope and deadline. This was the first time I felt my work was directly responsible for an organization. However my revered and ingrained values from childhood motivated me to fulfill my responsibility meticulously. I worked numerous late nights, surfed countless websites and gathered all related information: local business etiquette, practices, competition, consumer trends, relationships establishment, investment models, etc. I helped the company and its clients achieving their goals.
With the key values of responsibility, meticulousness and helping people instilled in me at a young age through the doctor's small mistake that left a great impact on me, I have applied and will continue to apply these values as inspiration towards reaching my dream of advocating and helping others.
Ok, your story has nothing to do really with the rest of the essay, and it seems like you're just boasting about ur achievements rather than learning anything or facing challenges. I would suggest rewriting and thinking of a better story (if you have time). Also, grammer needs lots of work... Finally, nice to see another Chinese cohort! (im an American Chinese in Beijing), and good luck to ur essay.
