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"research and innovation + commitment to the community" - WHY STANFORD?



brookiecookiex3 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
When I started the college search process, I made a list of traits I wanted in a school: a diverse and motivated student body, an interdisciplinary approach to biology, focus on humanistic disciplines, and school-sponsored clubs. After thoroughly evaluating many schools, I found that Stanford University matched each of my criteria.

I have been interested in biology since the fifth grade. Stanford's biology department will give me the strong foundation I will need for my future. My specific interest is in neuroscience, particularly the research of Robert Sapolsky and Susan McConnell, who delve into neuronal death and synapse formation.

Stanford prides itself not only on its research and innovation through its renowned research facilities but also on its commitment to the community. I have volunteered throughout high school and will continue doing so. The Stanford Hospital & Clinics and the Haas Center for Public Service would provide me opportunities for substantive community engagement and patient care.

I can imagine myself at Stanford, being immersed in an environment where individuality, innovation, and inquiry blossom and mature. I look forward to the long nights of organic chemistry homework in the Falconer Library and participating in the Stanford Martial Arts Program. I want to be among students who are excited to learn from each other and have a college experience that is academically unparalleled, and filled with opportunities on a global scale. I know that I will find this and much more at Stanford University.

Greg23 /  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
This is different from the rest
Can you read my essay really quickly for any errors.
Aleage12 3 / 21  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
. I want to be among students who are excited to learn from each other and have a college experience that is academically unparalleled, and filled with opportunities on a global scale.run-on? you want to have a col. exp. that is unparalleled and filled with opportunity - but it sounds like you are saying you want to be among students who have that, and then tack on the ending- change comma placement .try...to learn from each other and I want to have a college experience that is academically unparalleled and filled with opportunities on a global scale

overall very nice- please check mine too :) - scroll to bottom of thread for final draft
iceui2 - / 70  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
You should cut the first paragraph and you can add another sentence or two about how you plan on contributing to Stanford's community. When you think about it, the first paragraph really doesn't say anything the rest of your essay doesn't cover.


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