Rochester Essay - Supp. (secluded from society)

Prompt: Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

Growing up, I was usually secluded from society by my parents. However, instead of letting this obstacle weigh me down, I used it as motivation to learn about the world by my own means. The list of what I will contribute is endless.

I will contribute my unbiased intellect of the world. I will unleash my passion for the fine arts and expose my politically liberal mind. My fellow classmates will wait in anticipation as I cook for them the finest vegan meal they can possibly find.

Classmates will gawk, flabbergasted, as I predict their future with the use of my tarot cards. I will astound professors with my hard work and dedication. I will lead my classmates towards a successful future.

spelling/grammatical problems? flow problems?
I'm not sure if this addresses the prompt. how strong is it?
word limit: 125

I think that you start out well..as in the direction that you intend to in would lead into an interesting response, but the response that you gave is made up of short sentences strung together...instead i think to make it flow better...

I hope that you don't think that my comments are too harsh! only trying to help...

(However: i think that you should just start with the sentence as follows -->) Instead of letting this obstacle weigh me down, I used it as motivation to learn about the world by my own means. (Here you should write about what you have learned).

The list of what I will contribute is endless. (I think that you should eliminate this sentence)

I will contribute my unbiased intellect of the world. (What does that mean?)

My fellow classmates will wait in anticipation as I cook for them the finest vegan meal they can possibly find. Classmates will gawk, flabbergasted, as I predict their future with the use of my tarot cards. (Instead of listing, elaborate on one of your ideas!)

Good Luck!