A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
"I don't believe in Santa Claus."
"You what?" my friend, Laura demanded. I shrank away and shifted in my seat. The look in her eyes spelled heresy. I laughed nervously, telling her I was just kidding, but it was too late. The damage had been done. The seeds of doubt were sown within her. The foundation of her young life was crumbling.
In my defense, it wasn't my fault. I was never given the chance to believe in Santa. My family never hung giant socks over the fireplace or set out cookies for Santa Claus. We didn't even have a Christmas tree until I begged for one in the second grade.
How was I supposed to believe in Santa when I was the one paving the road for my parents? It wasn't my fault my parents immigrated here and were novices to this holiday.
So many times, I wished I could partake in "American" customs and traditions. I wanted so badly to believe in Santa Claus, to drink eggnog, or make Christmas cookies. I wanted to go to baseball games with my dad, and grill burgers for dinner. I wanted to be normal, to fit in.
My parents, however, seemed to be stuck in Korea. My dad was a zealous soccer fanatic whose heart belonged to the Red Devils (a Korean soccer team) and my mom made Bulgogi and Kimchi for dinner. As I grew older, I began to realize that nothing would ever fit this fantasy I had conjured.
I would never believe in Santa the same way Laura did, just as I could never erase my native language from my tongue. A country full of different people, ethnicities and backgrounds couldn't possible be boxed into this narrow scope of my childhood "America".
I am my own individual, yet at the same time, I contain a hodgepodge of ideas, values, and beliefs given to me by the people in my life. Conversely, I have left my mark on the peers as well. They gave me Rolling Stones and Beatles CDs, I introduced them to K-pop. They gave me apple pie, I gave them Korean barbecue.
There is a small part of me that still adheres to my childhood wishes, but a bigger part has finally started to appreciate my own heritage. This is the part of me who enjoys making dumplings on New Year's with my Grandma and joins my father on the couch to cheer for our favorite soccer team.
What I hope to get from my college experience is something deeper than a good education. Within the student body is a diverse pool of individuals interacting with each other. There, I hope that college gives me a taste of the global community that we live in. I'm going to meet people of different races, different cultures, and different ideologies, and they're going to meet me. There's no way of knowing what will happen in the next few years of my life, but something tells me I'll definitely find another crazy loon who's never believed in Santa Claus either.
Any feedback would be great, no matter how minor or major. Thanks!
I envy your writing style. I found it interesting and I did get a sense of who you are. I can't comment on grammar errors, but you probably don't have much to edit.
I think your essay is on a good track.
There is good imagery in the begging, giants socks and the paving of the road for your parents.
You did a good job of tying Santa Claus to the culture you were brought up in, although the topic does make me think that you started a little late.
You also do a good job of saying that you have embraced your culture. To me, it shows that you have matured since those childhood days.
Last, does K-pop stand for anything? If it does than I would write it out, but if it doesn't, then reader should assume that it is Korean music
I really like this essay! When I saw the title and the first two lines, I was prepared for it to be one of those forced topics - you know, when you have a good idea, but you have to resort to bad writing to cram your ideas into it? Haha ;)
You didn't suffer from that at all! It flowed nicely.
I wouldn't make "How was I..." its own paragraph - your essay is already made up of lots of two-sentence paragraphs, and it doesn't need to be on its own. Other than that, I wouldn't change anything.
Santa Claus are members of your family: Grandma, mom, daddy because they help you become mature in thought and action.
Mishap are like knives that either serve us or cut us as we grasp them by the blade or then handle (James Russel Lowell)
Have a good time!
This comment may be stupid or.... whatever because I've never write a application essay before, but look upon the requirements, don't you want to expand more on the issue of academic interests? Because colleges want to see if you are able to take on the pressure of the field of study that you want to enter in and won't just quit half way though your semester.
Well, it said to talk about diversity and its importance, but thanks for your insight. Now that I look back, I don't think I have enough on what I'd bring to college as an individual...
I think this is a winning essay, good job. Very good imagination and nice choice of words.
Some minor things you can improve on.
In the middle:
How was I supposed to believe in Santa when I was the one paving the road for my parents? It wasn't my fault my parents immigrated here and were novices to this holiday.
You could do a better transition here.
Last paragraph:
What I hope to get from my college experience is something deeper than a good education. Within the student body is a diverse pool of individuals interacting with each other. There, I hope that college gives me a taste of the global community that we live in.
Maybe you could not use I hope twice? Slightly repetitive.
Ending:
Not sure about the ending sentence. I know what you're trying to be funny, and it's good as I see it, but admission officers might take 'crazy loon' in a wrong way. Your choice.
Thank you SO much for your input everyone! :]
And to Esaias, you were a lot of help! I agree 'crazy loon' is probably the wrong word to put in there. Also I didn't even notice I used "I hope" twice xP
