Any advice and critiques would be great. Thanks!
Students identify Lafayette as an excellent fit for countless reasons. In your response, be deliberate and specific about your motivation for applying to Lafayette.
200-word max
The EDGE method
I want to apply to Lafayette because it is much different from other schools. Lafayette embodies liberal arts and engineering which prompt new ideas for the college and around the world. I feel that if I am a student at Lafayette I can accomplish projects with fellow students that can help the world. Just like Lafayette, I have accomplished many projects in my high school experience. As an Eagle Scout and Safety Captain of the Robotics team, I collaborated ideas to benefit both teams. For example, the robotics team helped engineer a sled for a winter competition for boy scouts. This sled was able to go through snow and dirt which gave my troop an advantage other troops did not have. In addition, the robotics team learned new techniques for leadership positions like the EDGE method. The EDGE method is an acronym for; explain, demonstrate, guide, and execute. This gave leaders a simple guide when teaching new members to deal with circuits and using a drill. I want to be with a program that collaborates different ideas that change the world. I believe I can help the world at Lafayette just like in my community through boy scouts and robotics.
199 words
There's a difference between being busy and being engaged. Lafayette comes alive each day with the energy of students who are deeply engaged in their academic, co-curricular and extracurricular explorations. In response to the prompt below, keep it simple - choose one activity and add depth to our understanding of your involvement.
200-word max
tight rhythms of jazz
Jazz is a genre of music not much people know about. Jazz incorporates tight rhythms and complex melodies that people cannot understand like rock or pop. As the bassist for the Big Band and Jazz Ensemble at Roxbury High School, I learned about jazz and became flexible with the music so I can write simple rhythmic melodies that were different from the recordings. In my first year with Big Band, I discovered I can play upright bass on a swing or shuffle chart and play electric on a latin chart. My second year, I grasped more knowledge of jazz and made a stellar performance with Big Band. My third year, I moved up to the pro like Jazz Ensemble which fused charts with their own melodies and solos. This band challenged me. I practiced for hours which developed a tight connection with the drummer and let me create my own part. My involvement with the jazz band program enabled me to actively learn about the world of jazz which I loved. And I was able to create a sound with band members I will not be able to hear again.
190 wordNick, in your first essay, you talk pretty much about your own experience. It is a good way to show you quality that match the college, but you should also cover more about the college. Like " I can accomplish projects with fellow students that can help the world. Just like Lafayette,", then you should write some specific projects you are interested in or you'll participate in. That'll be better.
Then in your second.
Jazz is a genre of music not muchmany people know about
Hope it will help.
I agree with @Bennyoooo
I felt like your first essay was more of a "describe your extra-curriculars" than it was "describe why you like Lafayette." In order to fit the prompt, I would suggest finding a specific program within that institution that you enjoy, and relate it to your work in EDGE and robotics. Perhaps there's a community service organization that empowers young kids to learn and be passionate about STEM? Being more specific is the best way to get Lafayette to be impressed by your deep devotion to their school!
