Hello! I have started the process of applying to several colleges. I am a senior in high school right now, anticipating going to college in the fall of next year. Part of the college application is a personal statement in which I am to address "How an education from ______ will allow me to achieve my personal and professional goals?" The essay has a limit of 1000 words, 711 of which are posted below.
Your Feedback and critique are greatly appreciated!
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Since childhood, I have enjoyed science in all of its many forms. The complexity and logical order to everything that surrounds us fascinates me. Moreover, it struck me that it is taken for granted far too frequently. The world around us, both natural and artificial, is a testament to the intricacy of science, which cannot be fully appreciated until it is understood. From the perspective of a scientist, even unglamorous places, such as my hometown, can appear as an illustration of beauty. I want to learn to see the world this way, so I can truly appreciate my environment, and take pleasure in its serenity. The practical application for which an education in the field of science can be used is enormous. As technology and our understanding of the humankind increases, new, critically thinking minds are needed to continue the research, which predecessors have already started. There is no greater reward than to be a part of an accomplishment that has benefited our neighbors.
It is my desire to expound my own knowledge so that I can apply it to every step in life. A _____ education is only the first step in what I hope to be a life long career in the field of healthcare. My aspirations reach beyond the classroom, to applying what I have learned and use it to benefit my community, friends and family. It is my objective to finish my undergraduate studies with a competitive and fulfilling degree, which will contribute to my success in the work force and graduate school. By accepting the many challenges _____ is able to offer, I will be able to enhance my understanding of science and use that knowledge for the benefit of my fellow man. I will also be able to gain the exposure to a diverse group of cultures, beliefs and people, which is essential if I am to further the molding of my characteristics and understand the needs of another.
Throughout high school, my family has been an immense influence and strong advocate of my decision in applying to _____. Both my cousin and grandfather had graduated from the school, and were the source of my original interest in attending. I remember them telling vivid stories about their college experiences with such enthusiasm that I was eventually enthralled with the thought of attending the institute. Attending _____ would be to follow in the footsteps of both my family members, while taking the initiative to immerse myself in the rigors college demands and doing so with a sense of pride and accomplishment. The opportunity I have to attend a university is very important to me. When I first stepped on the _____ campus during my visit for the day, it felt like a home away from home, a place where I could see myself succeed and be content over the course of my undergraduate years. I consider myself fortunate for the chance to apply to this institute, and would be elated on the chance of my acceptance.
Nancy Witcher Astor, the first woman to sit in the British House of Commons, once said "Real education should educate us out of self into something far finer; into selflessness which links us with all humanity." I believe that as I pursue a higher education it is my responsibility to use it wisely and give back to humanity. The strong academic focus and social opportunities at _____ will allow me to accomplish this, while I put forth my best effort and contributions inside and out of the campus.
Four years seems a long way away, but as a senior in high school I know that time goes by quickly. To prepare myself for the highly competitive world, it is essential for me to attend an esteemed university, where I can direct my attention to the education I receive. My aspiration for the immediate future is to walk away from _____ a more intellectual, cultured and thoughtful individual, with the degree I require to begin a rewarding career in which I can take satisfaction. Attending this institute is only the first step, but certainly not the last, in a long road of choices and decisions that I am faced with which will have the opportunity to benefit others within my proximity.
Your Feedback and critique are greatly appreciated!
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Since childhood, I have enjoyed science in all of its many forms. The complexity and logical order to everything that surrounds us fascinates me. Moreover, it struck me that it is taken for granted far too frequently. The world around us, both natural and artificial, is a testament to the intricacy of science, which cannot be fully appreciated until it is understood. From the perspective of a scientist, even unglamorous places, such as my hometown, can appear as an illustration of beauty. I want to learn to see the world this way, so I can truly appreciate my environment, and take pleasure in its serenity. The practical application for which an education in the field of science can be used is enormous. As technology and our understanding of the humankind increases, new, critically thinking minds are needed to continue the research, which predecessors have already started. There is no greater reward than to be a part of an accomplishment that has benefited our neighbors.
It is my desire to expound my own knowledge so that I can apply it to every step in life. A _____ education is only the first step in what I hope to be a life long career in the field of healthcare. My aspirations reach beyond the classroom, to applying what I have learned and use it to benefit my community, friends and family. It is my objective to finish my undergraduate studies with a competitive and fulfilling degree, which will contribute to my success in the work force and graduate school. By accepting the many challenges _____ is able to offer, I will be able to enhance my understanding of science and use that knowledge for the benefit of my fellow man. I will also be able to gain the exposure to a diverse group of cultures, beliefs and people, which is essential if I am to further the molding of my characteristics and understand the needs of another.
Throughout high school, my family has been an immense influence and strong advocate of my decision in applying to _____. Both my cousin and grandfather had graduated from the school, and were the source of my original interest in attending. I remember them telling vivid stories about their college experiences with such enthusiasm that I was eventually enthralled with the thought of attending the institute. Attending _____ would be to follow in the footsteps of both my family members, while taking the initiative to immerse myself in the rigors college demands and doing so with a sense of pride and accomplishment. The opportunity I have to attend a university is very important to me. When I first stepped on the _____ campus during my visit for the day, it felt like a home away from home, a place where I could see myself succeed and be content over the course of my undergraduate years. I consider myself fortunate for the chance to apply to this institute, and would be elated on the chance of my acceptance.
Nancy Witcher Astor, the first woman to sit in the British House of Commons, once said "Real education should educate us out of self into something far finer; into selflessness which links us with all humanity." I believe that as I pursue a higher education it is my responsibility to use it wisely and give back to humanity. The strong academic focus and social opportunities at _____ will allow me to accomplish this, while I put forth my best effort and contributions inside and out of the campus.
Four years seems a long way away, but as a senior in high school I know that time goes by quickly. To prepare myself for the highly competitive world, it is essential for me to attend an esteemed university, where I can direct my attention to the education I receive. My aspiration for the immediate future is to walk away from _____ a more intellectual, cultured and thoughtful individual, with the degree I require to begin a rewarding career in which I can take satisfaction. Attending this institute is only the first step, but certainly not the last, in a long road of choices and decisions that I am faced with which will have the opportunity to benefit others within my proximity.