I think I need some quick advice. I have two more short essays to write to apply to college. I need to write an essay that meets:
1) Please provide a statement (250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
and another that meets:
2) Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it and why? (400-600 words)
I was initially writing for the first essay (and freaking out about the second), but as I have laid out my outline and gotten about 50% through, I realized that this might work for the 2nd essay instead...
This is incomplete right now... I'll add a revised one soon. Could you tell me what you think of it so far?
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Hey looks good so far. A few things (below) I would change. A few parts are a bit vague and thus cause confusion. The aspect of being afraid of college was brought about in the wrong place or without background. Are you afraid? And why? Explain. But good overall point for your essay!
A year ago I emptied my locker and walked out of a local [TV] station. Driving away, my eyes filled with tears. I had other jobs before, but my colleagues at [TV] were more than just co-workers; they were friends I had grown and learned from. I then joined a private firm, where I would be creating corporate and commercial videos. Excited by new challenges, I was proud that I was 'going places' with my skills and knowledge.
Recently, I was sitting in my cubicle after discussing details of a new graphic animation with my boss. I looked at my list of what? (I know what you mean but be more clear) , and noted what I knew how to do. I searched online, found, and worked through tutorials to achieve the effects I was not familiar with. For no apparent reason, I suddenly had an epiphany: learning at college was not all so different from learning at a job or on my own. I should not be afraid. Perhaps this lesson had been taught to be before. Reword - taught to be before sounds wrong
When I first walked into the studio at [TV], I stayed rather silent, and stuck to running a camera for live shows. I noticed that there was a knowledge gap with the live graphics machine, so I took up reading online forums and experimenting with the machine on my own accord. I found and grew into a niche that I enjoyed. I typically managed graphics for the local shows. But, there were often problems I had no answer for. Errors and inefficiencies weighed me down. I realized that I could search for as much material as I wanted, but without proper guidance, there are things that would I not be able to grasp. I called the manufacturer and participated in a week long seminar. When I returned, I was brimming with ideas and procedures that I quickly began using. I was so excited at how week of training had opened up so many things I had not thought of before. The experience reminded me of my time at [Blank] Community College.
Good so far. In your second paragraph you should emphasize your desire to seek out more information so you may one day employ your knowledge, etc. in order to try and give that title a solid meaning. Again, clear up being afraid or perhaps take it out if room does not permit. Good luck