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Self-Founded Book Bridge Club: 150 word



tensplyr4eva 7 / 13  
Oct 1, 2010   #1
please provide any comments/suggestions you may have for my common app short-answer reply (150 words or less)

Thanks so much!!


Three 8th graders. One mission. That's how it started.
Four years later, Book Bridge has now burgeoned into a non-profit organization that donates money and books to schools in rural China, co-functioning with the YMCA of Berwyn, PA. It's significant to me for one simple reason: I want to improve the learning environment of my Asian peers. As a co-founder and former president of the organization, I've learned to be self-motivated and appreciative of things often taken for granted, like books. Besides organizing fundraising concerts, Chinese New Year festivals, and book drives, I also manage our website: book bridge club. I've helped raise a total of over $6,000, $2,330 of which was recently sent to the JinTang Elementary School in Chengdu, China. I plan to visit the school this summer, hoping to see for myself the children whose stories have so moved me to make a positive difference for my Asian heritage.

ecmagalhaes 4 / 10  
Oct 1, 2010   #2
hi =)
i believe that your text is good but have some errors. let me see if i can help you with some tips.

Three 8th graders. One mission. That's how it started.
Four years later, Book Bridge has now burgeoned into a non-profit organization that donates money and books to schools in rural China, co-functioning with YMCA of Berwyn, PA. It's significant to me for a simple reason: I want to improve the learning environment of my Asian peers.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 5, 2010   #3
This is good writing, efficient and rhythmic. I guess I can see a place near the end to improve it a little:
I've helped raise a total of over $6,000, $2,330 of which was recently sent to the JinTang Elementary School in Chengdu, China. I plan to visit the school this summer, hoping to see for myself the children whose stories have so moved me to make a positive difference for my Asian heritage. I like everything in the essay except for the awkward ending! :-)

That last sentence should be about the children and why you want to see them. I think "Asian Heritage" does not need to be in the essay, because giving does not need to be about culture; it can just be about giving.
gmt_snail 3 / 6  
Oct 6, 2010   #4
Well...Firstly as a Chinese I really appreaciate your help to the education in rural China.
I remember my counsellor advided me not to write"firstly""secondly" coz universities don't like listed things. I'm 100% sure about this but this is just my suggestion to you...


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