I was reading some essays on this website to get some tips for my statement, it must be 500 words. If anyone would be so kind to provide feedback on whether the essay meets the prompt to satisfaction, as well as general grammar tips and let me know if I drive the point home, I would appreciate it!
PROMPT:
"Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words)."
RESPONSE:
I first considered Peace Corps service in 2011 during my senior year of University, but I did not feel that I was ready for the commitment or mature enough as a young man. However, I knew that my desire to make a difference on a global scale would not fade and that someday I would answer the call. I have always been a service-oriented person; from my early days in the Boy Scouts, to leadership positions in fundraising and service organizations in college, and volunteering with my local parks and recreation department removing invasive plants. Most recently I have been volunteering on organic and permaculture farms in Australia and learning about food security, resource management, and sustainability. I am extremely passionate about this subject as I believe that sustainable agriculture is the key to providing economic prosperity to developing nations as well as reducing malnutrition, climate change, and waste. Additionally, during my travels of Asia and the South Pacific I have witnessed many accounts of anti-Americanism and even been stereotyped due to my nationality. As a representative of the United States of America I will improve our image through friendship, selflessness, and service. I cannot live a life without giving and serving others and I believe my drive to make a meaningful and positive impact in the global community would best be accomplished as a Peace Corps Volunteer.
Volunteering with the Peace Corps will certainly pose challenges, but I feel tasked to face difficulty due to my past experiences, maturity, and personality. During my twenty-one months traveling through Asia, Australia, and New Zealand I have had limited access to the internet and communication with friends and family. I've missed weddings, births, and deaths. I've lived extremely primitively for extended time - living in a camper van and tent without running water or electricity. Whenever I feel emotional duress, anxiety, or isolation, I use mindfulness techniques and meditation as a means to return to an equanimous and calm mind. For intellectual challenges, I draw upon my past experiences as an engineer, team leader and problem solver, and break the problem down into smaller, manageable parts. I used to be intimidated of not knowing the answer to every problem faced, but as I have matured I have learned that it is OK not to know everything, to work with a team and to ask for help when you need it. Additionally, I am physically fit and active and have no medical conditions preventing me to serve.
Over the past five years I have grown professionally, matured personally, and gained valuable skills and knowledge. I am ready to be a Peace Corps Volunteer. I sincerely hope that my passion and motivation for service and the global environment is evident in these words, and that I can utilize my permaculture experience and engineering mind to make a difference in Madagascar, Zambia, or Nepal, but I am flexible to meet the needs of the Peace Corps.
Thanks so much!
PROMPT:
"Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words)."
RESPONSE:
I first considered Peace Corps service in 2011 during my senior year of University, but I did not feel that I was ready for the commitment or mature enough as a young man. However, I knew that my desire to make a difference on a global scale would not fade and that someday I would answer the call. I have always been a service-oriented person; from my early days in the Boy Scouts, to leadership positions in fundraising and service organizations in college, and volunteering with my local parks and recreation department removing invasive plants. Most recently I have been volunteering on organic and permaculture farms in Australia and learning about food security, resource management, and sustainability. I am extremely passionate about this subject as I believe that sustainable agriculture is the key to providing economic prosperity to developing nations as well as reducing malnutrition, climate change, and waste. Additionally, during my travels of Asia and the South Pacific I have witnessed many accounts of anti-Americanism and even been stereotyped due to my nationality. As a representative of the United States of America I will improve our image through friendship, selflessness, and service. I cannot live a life without giving and serving others and I believe my drive to make a meaningful and positive impact in the global community would best be accomplished as a Peace Corps Volunteer.
Volunteering with the Peace Corps will certainly pose challenges, but I feel tasked to face difficulty due to my past experiences, maturity, and personality. During my twenty-one months traveling through Asia, Australia, and New Zealand I have had limited access to the internet and communication with friends and family. I've missed weddings, births, and deaths. I've lived extremely primitively for extended time - living in a camper van and tent without running water or electricity. Whenever I feel emotional duress, anxiety, or isolation, I use mindfulness techniques and meditation as a means to return to an equanimous and calm mind. For intellectual challenges, I draw upon my past experiences as an engineer, team leader and problem solver, and break the problem down into smaller, manageable parts. I used to be intimidated of not knowing the answer to every problem faced, but as I have matured I have learned that it is OK not to know everything, to work with a team and to ask for help when you need it. Additionally, I am physically fit and active and have no medical conditions preventing me to serve.
Over the past five years I have grown professionally, matured personally, and gained valuable skills and knowledge. I am ready to be a Peace Corps Volunteer. I sincerely hope that my passion and motivation for service and the global environment is evident in these words, and that I can utilize my permaculture experience and engineering mind to make a difference in Madagascar, Zambia, or Nepal, but I am flexible to meet the needs of the Peace Corps.
Thanks so much!
