"to shed off those fear into art" Transfer Essay to UM

Hello Everyone,
I'm trying to transfer to UM, and I need your honest feedback and lots of help.
My weakest part is grammar. I would thank you in advance, if you can help me with it.
How is my overall essay, structure, feeling?
Do you think my message is clear enough?

Essay describing why you wish to transfer at this time and explaining academic challenges and/or future goals.

"Everyone make fun a my drawing. I can't draw, Ms.SuA," said Ji-Yul stressfully on the first day of my Book Art Class. Hovering the pencil tip on a blank paper, he glared at me hopelessly. I knew he loves to draw and to sculpt dinosaurs when he was with his mother in the meeting before class. Although Ji-Yul was a receptive student, he was overwhelmed by the fear. He has been suffered from dyspraxia and dysgraphia, both neulogical disorders that impair the hand to brain coordination. Without a constant exercise, he cannot write legibly or unlock a door. At that very moment, the preconscious mind opened its eyes to the importance of therapy for children like Ji-Yul, in specific a field of psychology.

His response brought a flashback of my childhood. My left hand tied up to a chair, I was forced to re-learn how to write properly. "It's a bad luck! Your friends will make fun of you," scolded my mom. As a result, I gave up on my habits of writing backwards with a left hand. I also hid myself from synesthesia, seeing numbers and alphabets in color, out of fear just like Ji-Yul.

Luckily, I quickly found myself a way to shed off those fear into art. Over the course of years in Maryland Institute College of Art, I have developed creative problem solving skills and augmented a humanistic experience as a graphic designer. Approaching from different perspective, my passion still lies within a circumference of the study of the impact of our society and culture. By attending University of Maryland, I will not only gain the skills necessary to help other children to overcome their hardship, but also become a proactive member of the diverse community to share the passion.

Thank you again for reading my essay~

I knew he loves to draw and to sculpt dinosaurs when he was with his mother in the meeting before class.

The verb tense agreement is a little off here. Maybe

I knew from the meeting with he and his mother before class that he loved to draw and sculpt dinosaurs.

by fear.
He suffered

Luckily, I quickly found myself a way to shed off those fear into art. <--Sort of confusing.
Luckily, I found a way to shed my fears through art.

Jake776,
Thank you so much for the feedback!

"Everyone makes fun a my drawing. I can't draw, Ms.Sua," said Ji-Yul stressfully on the first day of my Book Art Class.

I knew he loves loved to draw and to sculpt dinosaurs, because I saw him doing s o when he was with his mother in the meeting before class.

This essay demonstrates your great knowledge of the neurological disorders and also your sensitivity and desire to help. I think it is impressive, and it has a clear focus.

That short flashback paragraph needs another sentence or two added to it.

The last para should be clearer about expressing your plans and aspirations. And this sentence is very unclear: Approaching from different perspective, my passion still lies within a circumference of the study of the impact of our society and culture. Let the reader know precisely what you intend to do.

:-)