Please comment on the following. Does this read too personal? Please also advise on the flow, and suggest if something is missing or does not make sense.
"My father had lost his job and my four siblings were still in school. In my life, adversity has served as a catalyst, forming my determination to uphold the values that defines me.
At 23, life taught me to develop and mature through the best and the worst of times.
Bad things happen; our savings were not enough to support my family. My father's hope of providing best education and better life to his children might have blown up in thin air.
My proudest achievement was not a solitary event but a bundle of joy delivered over the years. I chose a positive and constructive path by shouldering my father's responsibility. A part of my earnings would go to support my parents and the rest into younger brothers' tuition fees and living expenses. I guided them transform into independent, successful and responsible individuals.
My happiness knew no bounds when my efforts started paying dividends by 2006. Presently, two of them are working with software multi-nationals, one is with India's largest bank and the other is serving in Indian Navy. I could not have asked for more.
With determination, dedication and commitment, I overcame the greatest of challenges to turn my father's dream to reality. I reaped first crop of my self confidence. My life is richer now, surrounded by a closed knit family which is the only continuous thing in my life. I am confident of reaching many milestones but this one will always remain close to my heart."
Grateful,
Ajit
"My father had lost his job and my four siblings were still in school. In my life, adversity has served as a catalyst, forming my determination to uphold the values that defines me.
At 23, life taught me to develop and mature through the best and the worst of times.
Bad things happen; our savings were not enough to support my family. My father's hope of providing best education and better life to his children might have blown up in thin air.
My proudest achievement was not a solitary event but a bundle of joy delivered over the years. I chose a positive and constructive path by shouldering my father's responsibility. A part of my earnings would go to support my parents and the rest into younger brothers' tuition fees and living expenses. I guided them transform into independent, successful and responsible individuals.
My happiness knew no bounds when my efforts started paying dividends by 2006. Presently, two of them are working with software multi-nationals, one is with India's largest bank and the other is serving in Indian Navy. I could not have asked for more.
With determination, dedication and commitment, I overcame the greatest of challenges to turn my father's dream to reality. I reaped first crop of my self confidence. My life is richer now, surrounded by a closed knit family which is the only continuous thing in my life. I am confident of reaching many milestones but this one will always remain close to my heart."
Grateful,
Ajit
