The sights! The smells! The sounds! The atmosphere! - VCU admission essay

I have not edited for grammar or spelling yet, I just wanted some general thoughts before i continued further. Thank you so much for looking at it!

Prompt:As you start your college career, what is your primary goal as a student and how have you prepared to meet this goal, how do you plan to succeed, how do you feel you will do at VCU?

The sights! The smells! The sounds! The atmosphere! It's all too much and yet perfect at the same time. Our tour guide has just finished taking us on our tour of VCU, and my smile is still plastered on my face. It's all so different from my little town of Haymarket in Northern Virginia and that's exactly what I love about it. I knew if any school would be the school for me to blossom at it would be VCU. The city environment offers the perfect opportunity for internships, networking, and experiences. Making it the perfect place for a student looking to major in business.

At VCU I seek to make lasting personal and networking relationships. I plan to use my courses to hopefully lay the foundation for my own company and learn the ins and outs of any company that may offer me an internship. Currently I am taking business and law and recently have taken economics and finance in high school, I am hoping these classes and my challenge driven social personality will help me to succeed in these endeavors. Overall I believe organization, charm, and curiosity will be my keys to succeeding at VCU. Organization will help me keep the structure needed for academic success. While curiosity will keep me exploring not only VCU and all it has to offer but Richmond as well. Whilst charm will smooth the path forward. With VCU's guidance and knowledge the challenges of the world will seem that much smaller.

Let me analyse what I felt about your essay.
Paragraph one - I think you're explaining how VCU environment looks like which I believe the admission officer knows that and it somehow deviate from the prompt ''key word''.

Paragraph two - try providing details of your primary goal here. Then explain how you have prepared to achieved the goal and how you will succeed achieving this goal.

In conclusion, don't forget to include how VCU will hope you achieve the goal and how you will do in VCU.

I suggest you delete some parts of the first paragraph to reduce your word count.

Thank you!

I agree with the above statement.

Northern Virginia, and that's

experiences. Making experience, making

ins and outs of any company that may offer me an internship. <- the "may offer" makes you sound very unsure of potential

Currently I am taking business and law and recently have taken economics and finance in high school, I am hoping these classes and my challenge driven social personality will help me to succeed in these endeavors. Run-on sentence and the first part is a little awkwardly phrased