hey,
i need some grammatical corrections, opinions, advices, anything
and i don't know .. is it boring?
The prompt: Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence.
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"The bird told me that you can sing" a voice I heard behind my back as I was eating my launch in the school's cafeteria. "What bird?!" said I, as I turned my face towards the voice, it was my music teacher. At that moment I was so distracted; it was my first year in high school, and my head was full of tasks that I should do. Cutting my thinking, she said, "I want you to sing with the music band in the school's International Day Ceremony". I heard about it once, it is a very important ceremony in my school; all kinds of people from different nationalities would attend it.
I was surprised; how did she know that I could sing? I just sang few songs with my father, and I wasn't that famous. I felt the fear when I heard that; it was something new that happens to me and at the same time I was thinking of my studies. But all the fear was blocked from my mind; I was so excited; singing and becoming famous has been always my dream since I was a child. So, I agreed to go for it.
The rehearsing started, and after few days, another surprise had occurred. My music teacher chose me to become the lead singer. I remember my feelings were mixed with joy and fear. But what dropped an anchor on my head and arose my fears was the disappointment surrounding me. The song girls envied me and were mad because I became the leader instead of one of them. In addition, some of my classmates thought that singing is a waste of time. My desire was stronger than that negative environment; it didn't let me down, instead, it helped me to build my strong protection wall to block all the negativity.
Dreadfully, I had an English project that had to be ready at the same time with the ceremony. The project was about Ireland and I had to prepare everything about the country such as information, pictures, etc. And the anchor started to become heavier and heavier; I had short time, I only had three weeks to finish everything. It was a very heavy load, concentrating on the song, on the project and on studying all at the same time. I had to work at launch breaks, miss some classes and go to school in weekends. It was a very hard emotional, mental and physical challenge.
The pressure was increasing and there were moments where I started to think of giving up. But the song lyrics ... " There's a hero, if you look inside your heart ..." had given me faith and helped me to erase the fears. " There's an answer if you reach into your soul ..." made me believe that there's a power inside my soul. And the part that I loved " just hold on, there will be tomorrow..." gave me hope and gave me the strength to hold on to my dream and insist to make it come true.
My parents had a great impact on me; they pushed me forward with their positive and optimistic words at every time I thought of giving up. They let me believe in the hero inside of me. So, I kept working hard and I managed my time to do everything perfectly.
The three weeks finished and The International Day rose. I was feeling so confident and strong; everything was ready, the project was done and I was so ready to explode on stage. After singing, all of the people had immediately stood up for me with appreciation including the school principle, a parliament member and the UNESCO president in Kuwait. And since then my whole life has changed. I became the singer of my school and sang in all of the ceremonies. I participated in the acting and the music band and I joined a lot of different clubs and exhibitions. Those past challenging days has not only developed me at school but also has supported me in my singing career with my father. I now believe that with desire, confidence, patience and persistence everything could come true.
(696 words)
Your essay is not boring. The only problem I see is with your grammar and structure. Is this essay for an American University? If so, you might want to make your challenge sound a bit more straining. Honestly, having to perform in a concert and complete a English project will not be considered a major course load for the typical admissions officers. This will be highlighted even further by the essay's of your fellow applicants, most of which will be describing a full course load coupled with athletic, scholarship and volunteer activities. I am available to assist you to help craft an essay that really reflects how you exemplify grace and persistence under pressure.
Hello,
Thank you for your advice :)
I want to apply for USC and i should choose one of these three topics.
(1) USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.
(2) Visions and Voices is a university-wide arts and humanities initiative that seeks to transform students' perspectives through presentations and performances by top artists, writers and scholars. Tell us about a creative project, performance or other work of yours and how it reflects your vision or voice.
(3) Thomas Edison failed many times before successfully inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence.
I can do many things. i have many hobbies. But i don't remember that i faced real challenges in my life.
i don't know, i'm a little bit confused. i don't know which topic is better to write about.
i need some opinions and ideas.
Thank you.
That first one might be easiest. I say that because I think your goal should be to show them how strong your motivation is to enter a particular field. So I think it is good to write about what is important to you and how it affects your (very detailed) plan for your professional future and ESPECIALLY for the way you'll use your time (proactively, I hope) at this school.
