Hi, please help me edit my essay (grammar, structure, organization, etc)! Comments whether good/bad are welcome. I also need help with a title. All help is appreciated!
*Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?*
Everyone in school knows me as that girl who sings and plays guitar - the Asian Taylor Swift. It all started when I fell in love with the sister duo, Aly & AJ, from watching the Disney Channel. I was so in awe of their talent of being able to perform music live, while playing the guitar and singing. Aspiring to be just like them, I began taking guitar lessons and incorporated singing into the songs I learned to play.
Eventually, I got older and my musical skills improved so my teacher put me in recitals. I was about fifteen when I played in my first recital. As I drove to the venue, I could hardly sit still and my palms started to sweat. I walked through the auditorium doors; I greeted people with a friendly smile while my anxiety was gnawing away at me. As I sat through the show waiting for my turn, my heart felt like it was about to pop out of my chest. Then when I sat down to play and sing my piece, the audience faded from my senses and I executed my performance just as I had practiced before. As I got up, consciousness returned and my nerves were back. I wondered what everyone had thought of my performance. Much to my surprise, people personally congratulated me and asked me questions like, "How long have you been taking lessons?" "My goodness, how old are you?" Flattered by their positive comments, I left with a smile on my face. And right before I swung open the door to leave, my teacher said, "Oh don't worry, security is waiting for you outside." To that, I burst out in laughter in response to his humor, but at the same time it was a laugh of relief.
The nerves I get before, during and after a performance are still the same every time whether it's a recital, an audition, or school concert. I get so nervous from worrying about messing up and fear not doing well. But in the end, I am still okay regardless of how well I performed. Whether I do well or not, I always strive to do even better next time. Naturally, I always take on the challenge because I've learned that perfection does not necessarily exist, but I can strive for it.
I've committed to this hobby of mine now for about seven years. Frankly, learning and performing music is thrilling to me. I've spent countless hours practicing and learning new songs because every time I pick up the guitar, I lose track of time and get enveloped into it. My hobby of music is important to me as a person because it greatly demonstrates my character. Having a commitment to something, taking risks, and fully dedicating my time and energy into something I love fully relates to the type of person I am.
"I've spent countless hours practicing and learning new songs because every time I pick up the guitar, I lose track of time and get enveloped into it." can be re-worded/ or taken out.Why does this matter?
"My hobby of music is important to me as a person because it greatly demonstrates my character. Having a commitment to something, taking risks, and fully dedicating my time and energy into something I love fully relates to the type of person I am." re-word this to make it more concise. Find a way to fuse these two sentences.