UC prompt 2
tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. what about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was our last game of the season; my team and I were down by two goals at halftime, beat with exhaustion and sweating from the warm winter day in Orange County, some of the girls holding their heads down in mere defeat. We had fifteen minutes to get some life back into us. After the coach had given us some tips, he handed it off to my fellow captain and me for a last chance to get some enthusiasm into the team. As we started getting the girls pumped up, I looked over at the sidelines and saw my mother, her face full of animation and anticipation; she loved watching me play and up until then, attended every game that I have ever had. As I looked at her I could feel the satisfying sense of pride radiating off her smile; so proud of me. In that moment, I realized she is the reason I am who I am and everything I have accomplished is because of her.
Every person goes through life having to make many decisions; as a result our days quickly become filled with a maze of different directions. Every turn we take in that maze establishes our identity; our identity is formed through beliefs, thoughts and dreams. For me, nothing has shaped myself more then that of my mother. Raising me as a single parent, I saw the hard-work, the dedication and the independence it took to be a strong person. I knew I needed to strive for those qualities to succeed through the many tests that life throws at us.
In addition to growing up with a single mother, I was also an only child. This was a benefit for me when it came to close personal relationships, like the one I had with my mom, but at times it hurt me socially, especially when it came to new people. I came to develop a shyness that caused me to be less socially active than other children and as a whole fearful of what others thought about me. As I grew older, my mother helped me realized the potential I had as a person, that I could not let anything or anyone stop the promising abilities that I possessed; I could not keep quiet anymore. As I was trying to overcome my timid ways, there were times when I would tell myself "It is impossible" but she would always be by my side to tell me "It is always possible," as I grew older I slowly came out of my shell.
Although life was filled with many challenges that come with growing up in a single parent household, it was those challenges that have given me the strength to fill life with just as many opportunities for happiness and joy. With the two of us side by side we were able to build a foundation to stand upon together. It is on that foundation that I have built my identity and have made my way. She loved, encouraged, supported, strengthened and motivated me to reach for all of my dreams, in all she taught me how to be a great person and to live my life to the fullest no matter what bumps that I may run into. Now that it is time to venture into a different life at college, I am dedicated to embrace the experience and achieve all of my dreams.
That is why in that moment at my soccer game, I had realized that I am who I am because of my mother. She has touched my heart and soul in a way that has left an imprint of her in me always and she did it all on her own. She knew we could win if I put my hard-work and dedication into leading my team, by encouraging and supporting them the way she did for me.
You write very well!
Here is a way to manage long sentences with a dash:
This was a benefit for me when it came to close personal relationships, like the one I had with my mom, but at times it hurt me socially -- especially with regard to meeting new people.---> and I changed "when it came"
You should not start that last para with "That is why in that moment at..." Instead of starting with "That is why," you should at least say, "For this reason, during that moment at the soccer game..."
But it would be even better if you develop that idea more, and let the reader see an image of that moment at the soccer game.
